With mood swings becoming increasingly common in daily parlance, you must remember that you are charioteer of your mind

A phrase that has become increasingly frequent in the present-day lexicon is ‘mood swings’. Allied words nonchalantly bandied about for women are ‘PMT’ — PreMenstrual Tension, ‘menopausal’, ‘hysterical’, and ‘frustrated spinster’; and for men, it is ‘mid-life crisis’ and other such epithets to speak of persons who lose control of their emotions. Anger, irritability, overreaction, complaining — words that, if not legally defamatory, are certainly unflattering.

However, it is true that a person who is seemingly composed and chatting can switch moods to ire in either an instant, an hour, or half a day. Then you see the unpredictable wave of dark clouds of sadness from your loved one and then their mood does a complete volte-face, like when you feel a burst of laughter and pleasant conversation after what seemed an unending tirade. All of this is unhealthy and lacking in self-regulation.

We’ve probably all experienced change of moods, unless we’ve sat under the Bodhi tree for a decade. Moods can be supremely destructive for a relationship, I’ve seen how unreasonable good moods and sudden sullen moods can cause confusion and make one’s spouse or partner feel disoriented. All was hunky-dory in one instant, and your loved one has morphed into a ghoul of sorts in the next. It makes spontaneity and desire — two cornerstones of a marriage — fly out of the window. You begin to feel you are walking on eggshells and you never know what to expect next.

I remember when I went through mood swings growing up, it took some self- management to grow out of this destructive element to all relationships.

I am glad to share that I had overcome the predilection to some comfortable degree and it takes great amounts of working on yourself.

The way I worked it out is that I saw clearly that while there can be certain underlying causes, I realised that we need not be slaves of PMT or adolescence or hormonal imbalance or changes in brain chemistry. It’s important to identify the ‘why’ but also do remember that it is you who is the charioteer of your mind and not the other way around. If I can develop a certain degree of capability, then you can overcome too. If you can squarely look into the metaphoric mirror and tell yourself what you need to, that’s a big part of the win.

You must be able to take feedback objectively, keep an open mind, be adaptive, and learn to accept what you cannot control like external circumstances, which form a large part of adjusting to life’s unpredictable happenings. Ask the people around you to tell you how you come across and be open to their criticism. Be wise enough to value the points you may not be aware of. Are you quick to fly off the handle? Does a contradictory word or view leave you sulking? You may well be in denial about many home truths. You do recognise that your peace of mind and self-composure depend upon staying cool and keeping your equanimity. Every situation of the mind needs good counsel.

Please who allow themselves to have mood swings are people who do not have the ability to introspect. They are intrinsically selfish and self-absorbed. They do not realise or do not care about how they are affecting another’s life. If they were not egocentric and were able to introspect on the feedback loop from those around them, then they would genuinely ensure that they made every effort to control their mood swings. The secret of every change for the better within you lies in the desire to change for the better, to be less self-centred and more self-examining.

We’ve probably all experienced change of moods, unless we’ve sat under the Bodhi tree for a decade @nishjamvwal nishajamvwal@gmail.com

yin & yang