Anger issues in Relationships
Anger’s a relationship’s biggest bane, but there are ways to get around the emotion
How many of us have had important issues, opportunities and bonding gone totally awry because of temper flare ups? Anger is the death knell in friendship, for you cannot undo the damage of anger and the barrage of uncontrolled words it spews. Anger, which wells up in your chest, can leave a haze that prevents you from sound judgement. To react and respond when one is incensed is a big mistake.
Yet most of us are victims of this disastrous temperament. Even I’ve felt that unreasonable rush of anger welling up inside me sometimes and I’ve mostly regretted what it results in. But thankfully, there have been many other instances, when I have been able to soothe and ease out the explosive moment.
An easy technique I follow when I am angry is to breathe and distract myself for a bit with another activity and wait until the anger diffuses and the moment passes. As they say, words can be the nurture or the death of a friendship because once words leave your mouth, they are pretty much like an arrow that cannot be retracted.
It may take a little work, but if you are keen on ensuring anger never gets the better of you, conjure up a diversion from the anger or its cause, so you can distract and distance yourself until your reaction tempers. Stepping back from the moment might show you that nothing could be worth jeopardising your bond or even destroying that moment or your peace of mind.
Problems are a huge part of life and will keep raising their ugly head. Once you realise it’s just the way the world functions, you’d learn to be alert to events that seem ready to jeopardise a relationship or a situation. Take it with a pinch of salt, move away and come back to the situation when all the parties in the situation are slightly less agitated. That’s all it usually takes.
THE GUARANTEE OF COMPOSURE
Any of the marvellous win- win bestsellers can tell you that success is in replacing the negative emotion with a positive one. Sad can be consciously replaced with happiness by reminiscing about a happy or light moment, a visual of a funny movie or an absurd or adorable moment with your favourite pet or that cuddly toddler in your arms. But anger? Even dire consequences sometimes fail good sense.
According to the wise, taking charge of anger is a long- duration task. Often, anger involves people we deal with closely, with the painful regrettable moments of vengeful fury often unleashed upon those closest to us. Even so, the intent to scream or harm the other party in an aggressive discussion is transient, and each party in the moment goes his/ her way to the next preoccupation.
Another contemplative exercise that works for me is compassion, understanding and empathy, which over time even helps us better our approach towards our loved ones. The third trick I have often noticed working its wonders is to develop a detached spiritual tinge, remembering, if possible at the flustered moment, that we are all brothers under the skin, with the same creator.
When all is said and done, I believe that a replay of you in cool restraint of composure is a day well saved to your advantage with no loss of wickets. Making a habit of the above tricks will, over a time, prepare and condition you to a familiar cue during a future clash.
Replace the negative with whatever positive that changes the charged wavelength. It is indeed much better to sort out any situation with composure and equanimity.
Replace the negative with whatever positive that changes the charged wavelength. It is indeed much better to sort out any situation with composure and equanimity.
Stepping back from the moment might show you that nothing could be worth destroying your peace of mind