A princess of two fathers
Even as the Indian Government recently declared that gay or lesbian couples cannot be considered an Indian family, we bring you the story of gay couple in the US, who remind us that nothing stands in the way of love, respect and a desire for true happiness
David and Karthik Varatharaj, a biracial, married couple living in Portland, Oregon, recently became the proud parents of a baby girl. This week, we showcase their journey as a gay couple and their progress into fatherhood.
FAMILY TIES
“Unlike in traditional straight marriages, our families did not play a big role in nurturing our relationship or encouraging us to get married,” shares Karthik. “While they weren’t viscerally opposed to our relationship and eventual marriage, they made it clear early on that they didn’t want to be active participants in celebrating our marriage.” However, David’s family was more accepting of the relationship, possibly because he had come out to his family before Karthik did. But even for David and his family, the journey wasn’t easy. “It took a good part of two decades for them to get comfortable with it,” remembers Karthik. As for his own family, though they did ultimately accept his relationship with David, they were very uncomfortable with the two of them being open about their relationship. “Their biggest fear was becoming pariahs in the community once the word got out,” Karthik adds.
FABULOUS FATHERHOOD
Karthik and David had always known that they wanted to become parents. “We’d talked about it on our first date,” says Karthik as he talks about their decision to adopt a baby. “Surrogacy was an option, but we knew deep in our hearts that we wanted to adopt. David was himself adopted — so it only made sense.”
Describing the process as “the most emotional roller-coaster,” Karthik says the journey to parenthood started two years ago, involving tones of paperwork, background screening, interviews and training with social workers and adoption counselors. “Two hundred hours of training, preparation, full disclosure of our financial, personal and professional histories, and two separate home-studies later, we were officially deemed adoption-worthy in January. We created a profile book that explained our journey, philosophy and motivation that went out to prospective agencies and birth mothers. We were fortunate to be picked fairly early by this amazing birth mother and her family,” remembers Karthik, adding that she has three other kids and it was her oldest child who picked them from 12 other prospective families. “Our daughter was born in February, and three days later, we were officially granted guardianship.”
WHEN MINDS MEET
David and Karthik’s jobs could give a tiny insight to the different personalities they are. For instance, David currently works as a senior director at Nike, where he gets to work with athletes such as Serena Williams, LeBron and Odell Beckam Jr. David. On the other hand, Karthik works remotely as a leadership solutions partner for a non-profit organisation.
While Karthik is an introvert, David is empathetic, outgoing and is a peoples’ person. David, who was adopted when he was six months old, says, “I have known all my life that part of my mission on earth was to adopt and give another child the same feeling I was given,” he shares. Differences aside, both David and Karthik are foodies who love to travel and explore new sights.
While Karthik is introverted, David is empathetic, outgoing and is a complete peoples’ person. David was adopted when he was six months old. He says, “I have known all my life that part of my mission on earth was to adopt and give another child the same feeling I was given.”
Together, they’ve even been to over thirty-five countries. However, it was more than similar likes and differences that brought the duo close. Talking about how they nurtured their relationship, Karthik says, “In the early days, we were both working twelve hour-days. I’d just completed my MBA and started with a consulting firm where I was traveling five days a week. The one thing that kept our relationship anchored was open communication and being intentional about carving out time for each other. For example, regardless of how busy either of us was, we always followed through with date nights every Thursday. This ritual helped remind us what brought us together, kept the embers of our intimacy going strong and signalled to each other that investing in a relationship mattered more than everything else.
WINNING OVER THE NAY-SAYERS
And yes, the couple encountered their share of haters and pessimists.
“There’s a saying: “The best revenge is to live well’,” says Karthik. “We’ve taken that and applied it to win over people who were skeptical and sometime hostile to our choices. We’ve been together for eleven years and have been married for over seven. We both have stable and great careers. We bought a beautiful home and now we have a baby girl. While there were significant hurdles along the way towards accomplishing those milestones, when people look at the life we built together, they truly don’t have an excuse to question our decisions.” Here’s to their happy family!
“There’s a saying: ‘The best revenge is to live well’. We’ve taken that and applied it to win over people who were skeptical and sometime hostile to our choices. We’ve been together for 11 years and have been married for over seven. We both have stable and great careers. We bought a beautiful home and now we have a baby girl.”
— KARTHIK VARATHARAJ