BITTER RELATIONSHIP
Johnny Depp-Amber Heard’s divorce, which has now become a public spectacle, exposes how some marriages are so toxic
ARemember no marriage is bad, sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Often failure of marriage leads to selfdoubt and low self-esteem. Knowing that you gave it all you could, you tried as much as you could and remembering the good times rather than the bad times is a great way to start the journey of separation.
recent report spoke of a $50million defamation case filed by Johnny Depp against exwife Amber Heard in response to an op-ed she penned in the Washington Post in 2018 about her experiences with domestic abuse.
Heard has since filed a counterclaim for damages of $100 million, which the jury will also consider.
What is cringeworthy here is how the allegations and counter allegations by this couple expose the fact that it was a very toxic relationship. Why do things reach such a state of bitterness?
WHAT’S THE TRIGGER?
As a couple spends more time together they start to observe that there are a lot of dissimilarities between them. It is when an individual focuses on their opposite ways of working rather than what they enjoy in common, that the relationship goes downhill. When over a period an individual is constantly disagreeing and trying to change their partner rather than being grateful for the initial reason why they got together with their partner, it may give rise to arguments, withdrawal of communication, passive aggressiveness, and a negative atmosphere to live in. Aashmeen Munjaal, Ontologist & Relationship Expert says, “Many times, to maintain their International Entertainment Celebrity Image, a celebrity may have to showcase their public profile in a certain way that makes them look happy and content, however, it can also be done as a facade on a superficial level. At an individual level, they bring with them their own past, beliefs, what is right, and may be disempowered with a facade of being happy.”
SET BOUNDARIES
Relationships that do not have boundaries often hurt a lot more. Boundaries are essential in every relationship. Be it friends or partners. “People who have boundaries often can maintain relations for a lifetime. Simple ways of maintaining boundaries include using
respectful language towards each other, maintaining a low tone even during fights, respecting privacy, giving space, clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not. Putting up with abuse is no proof of weakness either. We are humans at the end of the day. We are led by emotions. And the strongest emotion is hope. Hope that things will fall into place. Often as celebrities they carry the burden of looking perfect and being perAnd fect. And it is not easy to publicly accept that their marriage failed. It is the fear of failure and the hope for a better tomorrow that leads to dragging a bad relationship with further aggravating emotions like resentment and hate,” says Sonali Gupta Verma, Business & Transformation Coach.
HE RUT
If someone is going through a tough marriage and needs a breath of fresh air, it is important to make a list of why you first got into the relationship. What were the things you appreciate about your partner when you first got together? “It is almost impossible to have all your likes and dislikes be the same. On a fresh page, make a list of things you appreciate about yourself — what you like to do. Example: You like to dance, or laugh, or that you are responsible. Make a list of 10 things you like about yourself. Now on another page make a list of 10 things you like about your partner. Example, their sense of humour, their dressing sense, the way they talk, their compassion, their bank balance, or whatever you like about them. Now it is important for you to find a correlation between things you like and things they like or provide. You may not connect with all their characteristics but the more you focus and be grateful for the things you like about them — your relationship is bound to get better,” explains Munjaal. Remember no marriage is bad, sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Often failure of marriage leads to self-doubt and low self-esteem. Knowing that you gave it all you could, you tried as much as you could and remembering that good times rather than the bad times is a great way to start the journey of separation.