WHEN THE WOW REPLACES THE VOW
Changing social values are chipping away at the commitment quotient that keeps couples together for better, for worse, in sickness and in health
Indian society, that always prided itself on its tightly knit marriages and the sanctity of the mangalsutra, has now moved ahead, with more and more couples opting out of marriages and relationships. The divorce rates in India according to various research statistics have increased by 50%-60% in urban areas.
Experts and marriage counsellors believe it’s because of a skewed notion of love. “Love to most young couples seems to be about consensual sex; the finer nuances of emotional intelligence, financial stability, responsibility sharing and other factors don’t feature when they proclaim love and take on a commitment,” says Akshay Tyagi of the Keshav Suri Foundation. He adds, “Culturally, in India, it’s men who end marriages or relationships. Women still by and large are less disposed to ask for a divorce; yet, with more empowerment and awareness, those numbers too are rising. So, naturally the overall statistics too will rise.”
Globally renowned pianist and philanthropist Anil Srinivasan, says, “Increase in solitary lifestyles and addiction to technology, and a movement towards instant gratification has meant that more and more young people are emotionally unavailable for their partners.” He lays the blame on what he terms ‘Transactional relationships.’ “They are definitely on the rise - and the lockdowns brought these out even more starkly. We are entering a new era of relationships and how one defines them. The concept of marriage may soon become redundant to the younger generations,” he feels.
Counsellor and marriage expert
Dr Mini Rao, says, “People these days lack the maturity to deal with a committed relationship.
The expectation levels have gone up, the tolerance levels have come down. Marriage has become more about the ‘wow factor’ than the ‘vow factor.’ The levels of compromise and adjustment that go with the institution seem to be missing.”
Laying bare the dysfunctional dynamics of social media driven behaviours, Dr Andrea Kurunathan, opines, “There is a lot of unreal expectations about how a relationship should be.
Influencers and romance-peddlers have given men and women beauty goals, sex goals and couple goals via hashtags. Real relationships and marriages don’t work like that. So young people are opting for marriages and live-in relationships based on what they consume online. There needs to be a more solid reason to get into a commitment than what’s happening nowadays.”