5 ways strangers can make your trip better

How striking up conversations, asking for advice and listening closely can transform your trip

ILOVE to travel alone for one very particular reason: the strangers I meet. The conversations we have and their unexpected tur ns send me deep into the places I go, far beyond skimming the surface lightly. I talk to people who live there, travellers, anyone with a story, anyone who may turn my path a different way from what I had planned. These encounters are what cement my memories of a place, and my relationship to it. Talking to strangers along your travels can change your trip into an adventure. It can take you into the unknown, unexpected hearts of places and people, trading what is planned and predictable for what may turn out to be sublime. Here are five rules of thumb to guide you into such adventure:

Go alone, and ditch your phone

The absolute pre-condition is that you be by yourself. If you’re travelling with others, set aside a Stranger Day to try this out. You need to be an open person— with open body language and open eyes, without the shield of another person, and without the shield of yourphone.If ditching it isn’ t viable or feels unsafe, take a deep breath and make a sacred deal with yourself not to touch it. Put it in the bottom of your bag or in airplane mode to be used only in an emergency. Put it in a different pocket, tie a string around it or cover it with tape to remind you to put it away every time you reach for it.

Use an old-fashioned paper map—or nothing

On a visit to London for a conference a few years ago, I decided to skip paying for a data plan. The result was ridiculous, and also delightful. My first night out, I checked Google maps on my laptop before I left and sketched directions to the large dinner gathering I was to attend. I emerged from the tube and got hopelessly lost. I had forgotten to write down the name of the restaurant. The small street in the address was nowhere to be found. It began to rain. I asked a man outside a bar where the street was. He had no idea, but shooed me inside to keep dry. No one else knew either, so I had dinner on a pub stool riveted by the stories a woman drinking straight gin told me about her years as a spy.

Try to speak some of the local language

On France’s Mediterranean coast, on the breakfast terrace of an inn in Antibes, I accidentally fooled an old Frenchman into thinking I was French. I spoke a few pleasantries when I sat down. His hearing left something to be desired, especially his ability to distinguish my acceptable accent from a native speaker’s. He caught me when I said I was a writer: “Je suis écrivaine.” He said: “Oh, now I see, you’re not French at all. We say, ‘Oh, I write a little.’” I asked him, in English, what he’d do with his day if he were me. He told me where to eat, which beach to go to and when, which craggy walk to take at dusk, and which waiters to flirt with, which not to.

Let strangers make all of your plans for you

Start by choosing a place to have morning coffee or breakfast or whatever you like to start your day. After that, let strangers make every decision for you. Ask the proprietor or someone else sitting close by for a suggestion about what you should do. Go do it. If you get multiple suggestions (other people will probably chime in), you can choose one as randomly as possible, or take the one that appeals most. Every time you are ready to go to the next place, ask strangers for suggestions.

Listen to people tell their stories

Exploring isn’t just about you. People love to tell their own stories, and you can invite that. To be truly listened to is a gift, and you can give it to someone. Not every stranger is going to take you up on it, but some people will, and their stories can make your experience of that place unforgettable.

Finding good questions to ask means observing carefully. Noticing. A well-turned question shows that you are really paying attention, that you are curious about this person as a real, special human. That you are ready to listen. A good question is a form of seduction. And like seduction’s cousin flattery, it will get you everywhere.