AGONY AUNT
Clingy sister
My sister and I have a 6 year gap. My problem is that she copies me for everything. From the way I do my hair or how I talk to my friends or even dress. She wants to accompany me everywhere I go and hand out with my friends. I feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of my friends as I am sure they feel restricted with her around. Rather than explaining to her to be herself and being around people her age, my mother keeps forcing me to take her out with me. This is making me have very negative feelings about my sister. Please help.
Ans: Siblings especially girls often face this situation where the older sister is an idol for the younger sister. The reason why your sister copies you for everything is because she looks up to you and wants to be like you someday. It may be harmless from her side how she feels about you but yes, it can get difficult for you as you do require your privacy and personal space too with your friends. As you mentioned that your mother also doesn’t understand you, you could discuss this with your father or another close family member who could talk to your mother and sister how you feel. Another way could be to have a open calm conversation with your sister and let her know how she needs to be around people her age and also give you your space at times.
Infidelity
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years but in these 2 years I have cheated him on two occasions. I know it’s a terrible thing to have done, but the first time, I was extremely drunk although that’s no excuse, I know. And the second time I cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend who I was so in love once upon a time. I am sure my current boyfriend will never find out, but I’m finding it hard to deal with the guilt. I like my boyfriend, but I’m in love with my ex still. I know what the right thing to do is, but I can’t do it! What should I do?
Ans: Please try putting yourself in your current boyfriend’s shoe. Would you be ok with your boyfriend doing the same thing to you? Cheating twice cannot have any excuse. Are you really happy in your current relation? You must ask yourself this question. This guy doesn’t seem to be the one for you – he’s there, you get along and it’s convenient. You shouldn’t be giving him hopes and dragging the relation if you feel for your ex. For a matter of fact you shouldn’t be in any relationship right now as your head isn’t in the right place and it’s not fair on your boyfriend. There will always be temptations, but if you love your partner then you won’t follow up on them.
Family problems
I have one older brother and we’ve always been close. However, 10 years ago he married a woman I didn’t like. She’s stuck up, takes him for granted and doesn’t like getting involved in family stuff. For example, she insists they spend every Christmas with her family and always has an excuse for not attending birthday meals and family get-togethers. Things came to a head two months ago when they said they couldn’t come to our parents’ 40th wedding anniversary party because they were having dinner with friends. I had an argument with my sister-in-law on the phone and told her she was selfish and never put our side of the family first. I said a few things I regret but years of anger came tumbling out. My brother phoned me later that night and we got into a huge row, too. I told him I’d never liked her and that he was a fool for putting up with her behaviour. He hung up on me and we haven’t spoken since. I don’t think I should apologize about the things I said about his wife, as I really mean them, but I don’t want to lose my brother over this. What should I do?
Ans: There’s nothing worse than a family. What you must understand is that we may not always like who our brothers and sisters or relatives, or even friends, choose to spend their lives with. While you may not like your brother’s wife, your brother loves her and you have to accept he’ll probably always take her side. Although, I understand your frustration and I can understand that things have come to a head. But you do need to apologize to both your brother and his wife. Just say you got really upset about them not being there for the party. Explain that you got angry and said things you shouldn’t. Apologize to your brother and tell him who he chooses to spend his life with is up to him and that you’re happy if he’s happy. The longer you leave it, the worse it will get. It could even go on forever and you don’t want that.