Problems Galore
Friendship woes
My friends have been very distant from me.We do not talk as often or spend as much time together as we used to. It has been one month. When I spoke to them about it they said that I have changed, which isn’t true. How should I talk to them and tell them that the only reason I have been different is due to the amount of work that we have from school?
Ans: Since they have given you a reason for the distance first look at the authenticity of the same. if you have been by any chance distancing yourself deliberately. If school work is the only reason, then speak to your friends about the same and explain them that you found it difficult to handle school work and personal life effectively. I am sure if you are honest about these things then there are lesser chances of you facing such difficulties further.
Being a caring friend
One of my friends has been very off lately. She is going to through something. She is being affected by her parents’ divorce. I have tried speaking to her but she is reluctant to open up. She looks anxious and upset all the time. Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do to help her out? She does not want to seek a doctor’s help.
Ans: Your observant tendencies can be extremely useful in helping your friend. Usually giving time and space helps. but in the meantime, don’t make it obvious for her that you are watching her movement or any possible slip. If she is close to any other friend from the group, then I suggest rope that person in and see if your friend opens then. Be sensitive towards her change in behavior and engage her in daily activities as far as possible by keeping the environment as normal as it can be.
Aftermath of a tragedy
I had a major accident almost two years ago where my right leg was injured heavily. It took me months to even begin recovery and even now I’m still on crutches and can’t walk properly or anything. I am just being overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and about how I’ve been such a massive burden to my parents but I’m also very angry at the fact that some of my friends slowly just cut off contact with me because I couldn’t meet them enough. I was slowly excluded from the group and no one cared about my situation after a few months. I’m better now but from time to time I feel this sense of aimlessness and about how I should just not live anymore. How do I get over this sense of hopelessness?
Ans: You can begin by finding out about different activities which you can participate despite the injury so that it gives you at least some form of routine to follow. Another important step in recovery is working on the guilt factor that has been crippling you for the past two years. You didn’t intend for the accident to happen and the following injury to last this long. You are on the path of recovery and with conviction you might reach the level of complete normalcy. Till that happens, it’s important to continue with your daily work with optimism. Attending different activities as per your limitations can introduce you to new people who would better understand you.
The lone lover
This girl that I have been talking to for over a year now is someone I just expressed my feelings to recently. We have been friendly for a long time and we enjoy each other’s company but I slowly fell in love with her and after I told her how I felt she told me that she didn’t feel the same way and that she didn’t like me in that way. I appreciate the honesty and that she didn’t make up excuses but it’s just so upsetting and disheartening. I don’t know why I fall for girls like these and I don’t know how to get over her now. It’s bothering me, it’s bothering my work life, I’m not able to concentrate. I don’t know what to do.
Ans: The ‘all or none’ outlook towards life is being a hindrance for you at the moment. There is always this grey area which keeps us grounded and prevents from making extreme assumptions. In any relationship, it is important to see whether the other person is also on the same page as you are. this saves one from agony later in the relationship. Time will definitely help you overcome this disheartening feeling but at the same time working on self and the extreme perceptions is also important.