Problems Galore Working It Out
Concerned Mother
I am a mother of 2 children. I am very proud of them and love them all immensely. However, I fell unequal to my task of parenting my second child. He feels left out and cornered. I am older now and do not have the same energy but it would be unfair to give my younger one any less attention that I did for the older. How do I explain this to the younger one, who is upset with me? ■ Ans: The activities you did with your first born doesn't necessarily have to be done with your second born. You both can design the fun time you want to spend together doing some activities as per your child's liking and your physical capacities. This will help you bridge the between you and your child and will also give your child an added sense of responsibility of designing the activities for self and keeping you’re wellbeing in mind.
Being friend zoned
I am a 16-year-old boy and have liked a girl from my school for 3 years. She thinks of me as a friend. I don’t know what to do other than tell her that I like her which I have already done. She said she cannot reciprocate my feelings. She is already in a relationship. I think of her all the time and this is a big problem now as my exams are coming up but I can’t stop thinking of her. It is distracting. I cannot concentrate. What to do, how to get over her? ■ Ans: The feeling of being rejected or your feelings not being reciprocated may last with you for quite some time but constantly thinking about how things didn’t work out for you will only hinder the process of moving on from this situation. There is so much focus on what she did, what she is doing at the moment that it is not allowing you to move out of those recurring thoughts. the thought process can change when the thoughts are focused on yourself rather than someone else and what is important at the moment for you in terms of functioning. once this gets clarified for you, focusing on your exams can take place.
Realising own mistake
A few months ago, my friend and I had a fight. It was for a very silly matter. We carried it on for a long time. It became bigger and bigger. I haven’t spoken to her since then. I am very upset because I realised that I was wrong. She was rude to me but the real start of the fight was due to my misunderstanding her statement. She tried to explain then got fed up. I want to go talk to her but I feel very guilty when I see her in the school hallways. Is there any way you may know for me to go and talk to her about this and solve the problem?
Ans: Since you realise your mistake and want to make amends with her then the first place to begin with fixing a meeting with her and talking things through. You can start with an apology and follow it by telling her how the misinterpretation led to all the confusion and the eventual fight. the feeling of guilt is only going to keep you away from actually taking concrete steps towards working on your relationship with your friend.
Unsupportive family
I am interested in art. I have always been good at art and it makes me happy. It is my only asset to express myself. My family is very old fashioned and conservative. They do not consider humanities or arts stream as actual jobs. They think that these things are only passions. I am keen on studying art and becoming an artist. This is going to be hard because my parents and the rest of my family doesn’t support this. I am going to tell them very soon, any advice?
Ans: Laying down a concrete career plan with the choice of your stream may help you gain an upper hand in this debate with family. You can also try connecting them with people who are already a part of the arts field in order to bring about deeper understanding. Ultimately you can also tell them that selecting any other field is going to be tough as you will not be doing it whole heartedly and might only lead to added pressure on to you resulting in sour relationship between you and them.
Taking tough decision
My age is 24 years. I am an entrepreneur with a successful business. It has been a year since the commencement of my company. I liked all my employee’s, but they do not work as much or as well as they used to. I have set a team of about 15 people that I wish to work with further but that means I must fire the other 10. Since I am quite close to the age of my employee’s we treat each other as friends. I do not know how to tell them that they can no longer work here.
Ans: The fine line between being friends and colleagues and in your case an employee and employer needs to be maintained in order to have smooth functioning at the work place. If the team members are not being as productive as you want them to be and you see that the company is suffering, then might as well ask those team members to reconsider their options of working with you or then find a new job because work and friendship are held at two different parameters. Be clear about the decision being professional and nothing related to personal feelings towards them.
False promises
I am 22 and I recently had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was afflicted with a severe disease of down syndrome. I sent an email to the office saying that I will be needing an extension in my maternity leave due to the cause mentioned. I had to take extra care of the baby. I got an email agreeing to this. It was supposed to be a paid leave too. Now that I am ready to go back, these claims have been erased and I am not even getting any money for the short maternity leave I had earlier asked for. What to do? Ans: Since the communication has been done via emails, you might still have those emails in your account. You can document your communication with them and submit it at the HR and request for a retribution. In case they do not support your claim, you can at least demand for an explanation for the said behaviour and then take a call for further action. If things go out of hand maybe seeking some sort of legal help might also help.
Excessive travelling causing stress
I am an NRI. This means that I travel a lot. I am constantly changing time zones. However, most of the times I reach at odd times and leave at odd
times. I cannot concentrate on anything. I am zoned out during meetings. I am very sleepy all the time. I can never sleep properly, even when I do most of the times I am travelling the same day thus I get tired again. How to manage this stressful schedule.
■ Ans: The disturbed sleep cycle needs some medical attention at the earliest as it may further lead to health issues if left unattended. Also, if it’s affecting your work productivity maybe taking a backseat in terms of travelling not entirely but to minimum is required to get things back on track for you. Maintaining sleep hygiene can also help in short run (keeping away gadgets while trying to sleep, taking short naps while travelling, eating right and on time)
Balancing work and college
I wish to become an architect. This means that I need to do a lot of internships to get experience. The college I am in granted leaves for work willing when I joined. However, now they are very strict and demand 75% attendance every semester. My employer
will fire me if I do not attend at least 4 times a week excluding Sundays. I am confused and do not know how to manage this. I cannot quit the job as it is part of the minimum requirement to get into the college of my dreams.
Ans: The situation seems to leave little or no option for you to make a choice between the current college requirements and future college requirements. If the current college is demanding compulsory attendance, then you might consider finishing the college with good grades as well as good attendance as that might also reflect on your application in another college. As far as the internship is concerned you can re-join during the holidays and work more hours and days compared to what you can spare now. Thus, doing justice to both, college and the internship.