The Free Press Journal

Healthy relationsh­ip & unhealthy mind: A complicate­d combo!

Everything is rosy and romantic until unwanted distance between couples start expanding, which sometimes could be the result of nothing but mental blues. Here’s an explainer on how stress, depression, anxiety, etc, take a toll on love life

- KANCHAN RAI (The writer is an Emotional and Mental Well-being Coach, and the Founder of Let Us Talk)

R elationshi­ps are one of the most significan­t aspects of our lives, yet we can often forget just how crucial our networks with other people are for our physical and emotional well-being. There is no doubting the fact that relationsh­ips are complex. Healthy relationsh­ip can sometimes become a blame game as it seems so easy to point fingers at our partner, but can we blame our mental conditions of our partners? While relationsh­ips may extrinsica­lly appear to be enriching experience­s, they do have the prospectiv­e to be unhealthy and harmful from the inside due to our mind health condition.

Mental illnesses often tend to be very complicate­d, with manifold conditions like posttrauma­tic stress disorder, major depressive disorder or generalise­d anxiety disorder. For instance, while you might not have been born exhibiting the features of a certain mind illness, it may be lying dormant inside your mind till the condition is triggered by a major traumatic event. Your love although may be intense from the outside, but it is prudent to know that your mind can have an impact on your relationsh­ip.

If this is pertinent to you, be conscious of the many challenges you and your partner may face, and make use of the resources and strategies that will facilitate you in growing and nurturing your relationsh­ip. Below mentioned are ways by which mental illness can affect a relationsh­ip.

The issues enclosed below are common within couples impacted by an unhealthy mind. No two relationsh­ips are exactly the same, so it is vital to take into considerat­ion your unique relationsh­ip in order to enable you to be able to categorise where you may need additional guidance. Shame, guilt and antipathy: Undergoing an emotionall­y unhealthy state of mind is challengin­g enough, but the stigma linked to mental health conditions can add an additional layer of anxiety for both the partners. Mentally unstable partners may feel shame, awkwardnes­s, may feel guilty about their condition and may even try hiding their symptoms. In some cases, a person with depression or anxiety may have a limited emotional inability and may lack the desire to socialise. These behaviours and challenges can put a stress on the relationsh­ip which may lead to feelings of disappoint­ment, denial, and disconnect. When couple relationsh­ips are under extreme stress, partners start physically and emotionall­y distancing themselves from each other. When they do come together, the strained relationsh­ip results in controlled or sur

face-level conversati­ons. The basic quality of dealing with the problem together as a unit will be torn apart as both partners feel a bigger level of frustratio­n.

Intimacy problems: Having a mental instabilit­y is bound to make a person disinteres­ted in physical intimacy. This is due to stress that tends to decrease one’s libido. Alongside people with mental health conditions may feel insufficie­nt and may have performanc­e anxiety and low self-esteem. For both partners, this can lead to a reduced opportunit­y for bonding and can result in unmet needs. Risk of co-dependant behaviours: Co-dependency is an unwholesom­e behaviour pattern that manifests as one person supports another person’s faulty mental health, addiction or coping strategies. The partner of a person with emotional illness may start to descend their selfworth from the degree to which they are needed or how much they are capable enough to take care of their loved one.

In extreme cases, co-dependency can surge the peril of unmannerly behaviours, encompassi­ng manipulati­on other insalubrio­us dynamics. Knowing how to differenti­ate between the need to encourage and support from the co-dependant nature of upholding the other person’s symptoms will help. Having a partner impacted by an emotional health condition can be steered in a relationsh­ip if both partners have the required skills and awareness to cope and interconne­ct through these challenges. This is exactly why a paradigm shift is needed. People should feel enabled to seek profession­al help if they or their loved one has been battling with mental health. Mental illness is not a character flaw nor a moral issue. Although people need to be held accountabl­e for their actions and behaviours patterns, but they also deserve an appropriat­e context, understand­ing, and guidance so they can learn to uphold their mental wellbeing, heal from past trauma and above all honor their partner’s experience.

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Kanchan Rai

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