BEING INSPIRATIONAL IS OVERRATED, TRY LOVE FOR A CHANGE

In a world where motivational videos have become our staple diet, try not to inspire people for once

My office help (L) and my colleague (N) are at loggerheads these days. N believes L should do something more with her life other than running errands as domestic help. L doesn’t want to do anything particularly constructive with her life. She is a 22-year-old divorcee with a seven-year-old son. She was married off when she was 14 because her parents figured out she wasn’t interested in studying. The price women pay for not being the academic type in our country. Now, she is in love with someone and often spends long hours on the phone. Despite the horrifying experience of her first marriage, she still hasn’t given up on men. She believes that eventually she will be rescued by a lover. Pragmatic N, who is extremely studious and has a strong academic background, tries to jolt L out of her romantic la la land. That no one would come to rescue her and she should instead go back to studies and secure a good life for herself and her son. I enjoy the drama from a distance like a spectator but never dared interfere.

Little did I know N was soon going to knock at my door and ask me to back her up in this project. I love them equally and I wouldn’t dare validate one over the other. Sensing that I didn't share her enthusiasm about “fixing” L’s life, she threw a more probing and philosophical question at me. “Tell me one thing, isn’t it our duty to empower people who are struggling?”

In a world where motivational videos have become our staple diet, it is only

natural to believe that we carry a moral responsibility to empower others by telling them what to do with their lives. “I don't think we can empower people. That is for systems and institutions to do. I think as individuals we can only love other individuals, irrespective of whether they are struggling or not,” I told her.

N is a smart woman and not one to give up so easily. “Okay. Then isn’t it our duty to worry about the well-being of the people we love?” she asked. This is no more a philosophical question of morality but an exploration of what is the right way to love another human being. N loves L to worry about her so much. But what happens when any of the parties choose not to toe the prescribed line of action. Do we withdraw our love? Do we feel betrayed that we invested so much in someone, and they didn’t give two hoots about our advice? L is certain she wouldn’t go back to studies because she never liked studying in the first place.

I know L might be heartbroken again. Love would be to watch her get heartbroken without continuously warning her of the consequences of her actions. We seldom realise how cruel we become when we pin our love on compliance.

I don’t know how to solve this problem of love between L and N. But the discussion gave me a chance to clear my thoughts on love. I have come up with a to-do list to pepper my relationships with love instead of burdening myself with the responsibility of motivating others.

(The writer is a mental health and behavioural sciences columnist, conducts art therapy workshops and provides personality development sessions for young adults. She can be found as @the_millennial_pilgrim

on Instagram and Twitter.)