What is the mother-in-law syndrome?

From time immemorial, the relationship between a mother-inlaw and a daughter-in-law has been unique. When a man gets married, he gets a wife, where as a woman gets a whole family, whose whims and fancies she has to pander to. It is true as they say that the mother-inlaw gets a new daughter and the daughter-in-law, a new mother, but do they both consider and treat each other with that idea in their mind? Why is a mother-in-law often depicted as a dragon personified in television serials and novels?

The bitter truth

Some newly married girls are so afraid of their mother-in-law’s footsteps, that they may spill food or break any crockery. Often when the son gets married, the mother tends to feel very insecure and fears he might no longer need her, and when the mother-in-law is a widow, this problem is more intensified. When the mother-in-law sees her son calling out to his wife, it only raises her hackles up against her young daughter-inlaw. In some cases, it has been seen that the mother-in-law might start feigning headaches and palpitations every time the young couple goes out, leaving her alone at home. In such cases the mother

starts demanding attention from her son and the wife in turn starts pestering her husband for a separate establishment away from the mother.

Different-daughter rules

A mother always forgives and forgets her daughter’s fault and in the same way there should be no animosity against her son’s bride. Love begets love and if she shows no jealousy or possessiveness for her son the other woman will gradually learn to love her. The mother-in-law, instead of feeling that her daughter-in-law has come to threaten her domain, should accept her as part of the family and take her to be another daughter, who loves her son, the man who is the object of her affection too.

The mediating man

Very less has ever been spoken about the man who plays both son and husband. Though it may seem easy, his role isn’t as easy as it seems. Trying to please a wife he loves, versus a mother who has bought him up, both at the same time isn’t easy. Understanding his plight is equally crucial. It is important for him to help bridge the gap between his wife and mother. Successful communication here will always be the key.

No brownie points

It is important to understand that women today work and earn at power and often, even more than their husbands. Most women are paying their own bills and home loans. Following old traditions by the book isn't going to work any more. Being a self-obsessed, grudge-holding or overly dramatic mother in law shall win you no brownie points.

The adult son

It is essential to understand that a married man is no longer a toddler to spoon feed. Overpampering him will only give his offsprings an altered perception of their future. Many married girls remove the mother-in-law frustration on their husbands. Post work, many husbands come back to a passive aggressive containment zone, having absolutely no clue about what has happened. This would be extremely unaware to the husband too.

Nani versus Dadi war

It is found out that 85% of kids spend more time with their paternal grandmothers in comparison to their maternal ones. Kids undoubtedly grow up to realise this stronger. Kids often play up once they have smelt the differences between the 2 families. This for them is certainly unhealthy, however, the seeds to this are sown by the adults of the family only.

The rare reality

Surprisingly, there are even some homes where the mother-in-law and the daughter–in-law make a loving pair teaming up against the son and chastising him when he is in the wrong, and taking each other’s side when he is angry or irritated at one of them.

The Boss lady

It is essential to understand that when a lady gives birth, irrespective of the gender of the child, the turmoil and after care is the same. No girl must be discriminated on the fact of her gender. If a family grows and multiplies, it cannot be possible without her and thus, she deserves the respect for many reasons. A healthy relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would be possible only when both drop the ‘in-law factor’ and live as mother and daughter, a bond that often needs to be facilitated by the mediating man, dear to both.

A mother always forgives and forgets her daughter’s fault and in the same way there should be no animosity against her son’s bride