Preternaturally presanctified presentation
Now we know there’s the prewedding, the wedding (post prewedding) and then the post wedding (post prewedding postwedding). The language has been expanded so poetically
Since this is the prewedding season, my thoughts are predominantly about my own prewedding preblues when the prebells prerang. It was a prelapsarian time of joy when we ate preheated prebiotic food while our animals were fed prechewed prey. It was prehistoric, some might even say prehuman.
My prewedding and wedding together took about five minutes. And I confess here with that honesty for which I am known from one end of my desk to the other that it did not cost ₹1300 crores. For those who are shocked that one can actually conduct a prewedding for less than that amount, here’s my reason: I kept the figure low to avoid the pressure of having to spend ₹1301 crores on the postprewedding, or the actual wedding itself which usually follows four months later. The prelude can’t be allowed to overshadow the main piece. However, in the excitement of my approaching prenuptials, I forgot to take some precautions. For one, I forgot to get permission to convert our local taxi stand into an international airport. Maybe that’s why Taylor Swift didn’t turn up. Rihanna didn’t come either, possibly because she hadn’t been born yet and it might have been difficult.
I didn’t have any exotic animals (unless you count an old aunt) sharing their previous night’s dinner with a television anchor. In fact, I forgot to feed any of the media predigested bits of information that pretended to be news, mews and Zeus, catty stories of our Greek gods.
The more I think, the more I remember the things that were missing. My watch didn’t cost northwards of a million dollars and the guest list did not have multibillionaires who were fighting inequities and saving the world, having predetermined to philanthropise their way to immortality.
Now we know there’s the prewedding, the wedding (post prewedding) and then the post wedding (post prewedding postwedding). The language has been expanded so poetically.
After O.J. Simpson was cleared of murdering his wife, he wrote a book If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer. In the same spirit, here’s what I might have done for my wedding had I spent 1300 crore at the prewedding. I would have asked for the lake at the bottom of my garden to be converted into an international harbour so all my guests – from Putin to Trump and from Elvis to Dilip Kumar could float in at the same time. I would wear watches worth millions on both hands, one leg and around my shoulder.
I would buy the World Cup football and play the tournament in my backyard for the entertainment of the guests. And that’s only a preview.
Or I might have donated the entire amount to some boring things – education, food, healthcare. It would have been a pretty difficult choice.
Preoccupied as we are with the precariousness of our lives, who are we to deal with preconceptions and premeditations when the prescriptions might be presumptuous? It’s a thought for the prewedding. May the preeminent prevail…