Compare yourself with others

Focus on your potential and interests to find true happiness in life

Sunday, April 7, 2024

As I was an average student, my parents were never shocked whenever I brought home my progress report card with “fail” written in bold red ink. Failing in subjects, especially mathematics, was routine for me.

Somehow, I managed to get to the fifth grade. A few days after our midterms, the mathematics teacher came to the class with a bundle of answer sheets. It caused immediate panic in the classroom, but I was relaxed. Zero expectations made my life much easier back then. As usual, I failed the test, but to my surprise, I was not the only one this time.

As always, I showed my father the test results as he was about to hit the bed. He checked my marks and without any comments, took his pen to sign it. Thinking that he might be happy to know that his daughter was not the only one who failed the test, I told him, “Dad, many of my classmates also failed the test.”

I was expecting a smile from him, but instead, he looked at me and asked, “Dear, have I ever asked you the marks of your fellow mates?”

I answered, “No, you have not.”

He continued, “Do you think that I would want to know the scores of your classmates?”

I was puzzled by his question as in our school, our teachers had the habit of reading out loud the names and marks of every student in the class while distributing the answer sheets.

As a child, I believed the whole purpose of this was to let us compare the marks with each other.

So, why was my father questioning my beliefs and making me confused? I was lost.

After a pause, he sat me down next to him and said, “Do you think knowing that others scored less than you will make you any better at the subject?” “No, I don’t think so,” I replied with some doubt. “So never compare yourself with others. You are all individuals who are unique and so are the interests and potential of each of you. Comparing your scores with anyone else will never make you better or worse than them.” With that, he signed the paper and bade me goodnight.

That whole night, I pondered over his words. The next morning while my mother was busy preparing our breakfast, I told her about the previous night. She handed me a glass of masala tea and, without taking her eyes off the stove, said, “Darling, he was trying to say that you would never be happy if you start comparing yourself with others.” “But you know what, there is one person with whom you should compare yourself, and that is you.”

Finally, when I understood their wise words, it was a lifechanging moment for me. Thenceforth I stopped comparing my life with others, let alone the scores. Instead, I started working to my potential. I realised that everyone is different and has different talents. I started working on my studies and selfdoubts and tried to thrive on my interests.

As I grew older, most of my friends took up jobs they liked, and I decided to go for research. While my friends were climbing the ladders of promotion, I was climbing the stairs of my research building. While they were dancing on the eve of their wedding, I was dancing in the laboratory with

ILLUSTRATION: SREEJITH RAVIKUMAR

fumes coming out of my head as the results I got for that day’s experiment contradicted my expectations. While they were going to Singapore for their honeymoon, I was going to meet my supervisor with trembling hands holding the negative results I got in the lab. But at the end of the day, I was content and thoroughly enjoyed my work and life. I slept tight. At the other end of the world, my loved ones were living their lives as they wished, and I was thrilled for them.

The world will be in much chaos if we all wanted the same in our lives. Realising that we are different and want different things will help us stop comparing ourselves with others.

In a world ruled by social media, the word “comparison” has a bigger impact on us than we may imagine. If used appropriately, the Internet and social media can be a gamechanger. They help us connect with the world beyond our imagination and embrace and enhance our creativity.

Sadly, many let social media dictate terms and end up comparing their lives and likes with that of total strangers on the screen. Studies show that this unhealthy comparison results in low selfesteem, insecurities, and selfdoubts. So, is this comparison needed in our lives?

We all grow up and live in different circumstances. Comparing might destroy the real you and your true potential and happiness. We should start accepting ourselves as we are and work on our talents and potential. We will then thrive and become a better version of ourselves.

Letters to the Magazine can be e-mailed separately to mag.letters@thehindu.co.in by Tuesday 3 p.m.

This is the year many major democracies are going to the polls. (‘How far will AI go’; Mar. 31) Unlike in the past, there are allround fears among governments, political parties and poll managers about the possible misuse of AI. In a digitised information ecosystem, political parties can confront their rivals with AIgenerated deep fakes, with the potential to sway elections.

T.N. Venugopalan

DIndeed, it is difficult to fathom the impact of AI in the coming elections. The use of AI will really befuddle illiterate voters. Misinformation, which AI has the potential to generate, is a thorn in the flesh of Indian democracy. S. Ramakrishnasayee

DAI is a good technology in so far as it does not detract from the virtues of human life. Stephen Hawking once said that the primitive forms of AI we have, have proved very useful. “But the development of full AI could spell the end of the human race.” AI is both a boon and a bane.

N. Ramalakshmi

Living Marquez

The posthumous publication of Marquez’s last novel cannot be construed as an attempt at resurrecting the author, when his presence remains loud and clear in the literary firmament. (‘Resurrecting Marquez’; Mar. 31) The family publishing his work against his wishes cannot be seen as unethical either, since Marquez would have destroyed the manuscript had he felt so. A. Raveendranath

One wonders what might have been the personal side of the rebellious writer, who spoke vehemently on various social issues, including the oppression of women. (‘Letters from a rebel icon’; Mar. 31) The review of this book reveals that Ismat Chughtai was no different in her personal life from Chughtai, the writer.

With this revelation, one’s respect and admiration for the storyteller only increases. Kosaraju Chandramouli

The article proposed concrete suggestions for preventing the misuse of AI in elections. (‘Exploring the #AIforgood formula’; Mar. 31) As the interests of civil society, private companies, political parties and other stakeholders are considerably different, acceptance of the proposed standards will depend on the balance of tradeoffs between stakeholders.

K.M.K. Murthy

A number of filmmakers are busy making propaganda films, intended only for a select audience that backs the ruling establishment. (‘Saffron on the big screen’;

Mar. 31) A few of the auteurs also take liberties, not averse to twisting facts and portraying some communities in a bad light. These films often win awards, the makers are feted and State governments where the saffron party is in power are quick to grant tax exemption to the films.

C.V. Aravind www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page

He was full of joy and mischief, but could also be a solemn listener

H. Kalpana Rao

cheeraadas@gmail.com