‘I like having a point to prove’

Exclusion from the Australian setup left seasoned all-rounder Jess Jonassen with a lot of self-doubt and thoughts of even retiring from the game; the four-time World Cup winner is making a case to feature in the T20 World Cup in Bangladesh later this year

In a 2019 column she penned for Athletes’ Voice, Jess Jonassen likened herself to a boxer, a metaphor she attributed to her psychologist. She wrote, “Throughout much of my career — and definitely over the past six months or so — I’ve been on the ropes taking blow after blow. But I’m still standing. Still in the fight.” Four years later, Jonassen’s fight is yet to end.

It’s been a particularly trying past couple of months. The 31yearold found herself out of favour in the national setup, relegated to running drinks, a marked difference from carrying the team to world titles (four Women’s T20 World Cup crowns, one ODI World Cup triumph, one Commonwealth Games gold medal).

This was courtesy a hammering at the hands of West Indies’ Hayley Matthews last year. Since then, she featured in the oneoff Test between India and Australia but was not in the mix for Australia’s efforts against India in the whiteball leg, the whole multiformat series against South Africa at home or the upcoming tour of Bangladesh in the runup to the T20 World Cup in the same nation later this year.

The Queenslandborn allrounder is currently in India for the second edition of the Women’s Premier League, playing for Delhi Capitals. After missing the first two games, Jonassen has more than made up for it in the games that followed.

Cementing her place in DC side, she has been in constant contention for the purple cap and one of captain Meg Lanning’s trusted commanders in crunch situations. Jonassen spoke to The Hindu about her axing, contemplating retirement, the World Cup in Bangladesh later this year and more.

It has obviously been a challenging last couple of months, particularly with not playing as much cricket as I would have liked to. I was pretty nervous because I had not played for a while. The crowd at the M. Chinnaswamy Stadium was incredible and I wanted to do well. Those initial nerves dissipated once the game started. I guess it was down to just all this time spent sitting around and waiting. I just loved the fact that I was out there running around again, trying to play a part and contributing because that was something I hadn’t experienced in a while.

I was that person on the sidelines, being the No. 1 cheerleader. I wanted to be able to take a night off from mixing drinks (smiles). For me, there were questions over the past few months whether I was still good enough, whether I was capable. The push of wanting to do well for the team came from there.

This environment and this group at Delhi capitals has made sitting out actually not feel so bad, which is a really weird thing for me to say because I always want to be out on the field, contributing and doing my best. That said, the level of love and support and the fact that the girls just genuinely want each other to do well makes this a really nice place to be in and it’s probably no surprise then that we have had the team success that we have so far.

Over the years, there’s been a realisation that there always has to be somebody that misses out of the team in elite sports and it is the direction the women’s game is heading in because of the professionalisation of it. You have to be on top of your game almost all the time. Sometimes when you’re not or there’s a run of games when you’re not, that opens the door and opportunity for somebody else. To know that it’s never just that one person that’s missing out, that there are other people in a similar situation as well has given me a greater perspective and empathy for others who went through that as well.

Be it the likes of Shikha Pandey, Jemimah Rodrigues, Poonam Yadav or even Arundhati Reddy, DC is full of characters who at some point have had to prove they’re still good enough. How much does that baggage get shared in the group?

A lot of the time, it’s always nice to be able to have conversations with people that truly understand what you’ve gone through. For example, the day the news of the Bangladesh squad came out, I had a knock on my door. It was Shikha. She just gave me a hug and said, “I saw the news this morning. I thought I’ll come by and give you a hug to hopefully make it feel better.” It’s no surprise that our team is as close as we are. Yes, we’re all cricketers. We all do the same sport and want to excel and succeed. But yeah, there’s those human and personable connections as well, which makes it extra special. There was a period of a couple of days when I just had so many of the girls just reaching out and checking in on me, the coaching staff as well and it’s something I haven’t experienced a lot before. This is also the first international squad that I’ve missed out for noninjury related reasons. I am learning how to be kind to myself as well as I give myself time to be able to process something that I’ve never actually experienced before.

Have you been given an explanation about why you don’t find a place in the scheme of things?

Because I’ve been sitting on the sidelines for the last couple of series, they didn’t see where or how I would get a game at this point. There was nothing really beyond that, just that I needed to keep staying ready and keep working hard and things could change quickly. I looked a little bit internally and knew that over the upcoming preseason, there were a few things that I want to specifically work on, even back in my domestic setup as well being the captain of the two teams over there (Brisbane Heat in the WBBL and Queensland

Fire in the WNCL). I’ve been taking the selfless approach especially with the bat, slotting myself down the order a bit more, thinking it’s the best for the team.

That’s probably come at a cost for me. So it’s about having relevant conversations I need to with people back home and working our way through to see what’s the best for those teams while also making sure I am doing what’s best for me too.

I love Meg. I loved playing under her when she was captain. As a leader, she just had that ability to make you, as a player, feel like you were in control as well. She always believed I could do it and whenever she threw me the ball, my feeling was also that I don’t want to let her down.

She’s reached out to me at different times to say if I need anything or if I need to talk about anything, we’ll catch up. But she knows the kind of personality I am as well. She knows that whatever it is, I’ll just keep coming back. I’ll keep fronting up and doing my best. It’s really comforting knowing that somebody I’ve played a lot of cricket with is also in a franchise team on the other side of the world.

How does it feel to be back on the cricket field and succeeding?

How did you cope with life on the bench?

There were thoughts of whether it was time to retire from international cricket or not, whether I was still wanted, whether I was still good enough. But yeah, I’m not really thinking too far ahead now. It’s just about taking up whatever opportunities pop up to try and give myself the best possible chance and do my very best

You have been Meg Lanning’s goto person in crisis so many times over the years. Is it a source of comfort to have her close during this time?

Is that Bangladesh World Cup still on your mind?

Honestly, it did cross my mind when I wasn’t in this upcoming squad for the Bangladesh tour that, “Oh, well, there goes my World Cup as well.”

I had my twoday pity party where I was feeling sorry for myself, but then I don’t want news like that or decisions that are ultimately out of my control to dictate or influence my experience of where I currently am. I wanted to make sure I make the most of this season of the WPL.

A thing that sort of came as a result of missing out on the Bangladesh series is that I was nominated for The Hundred draft. So there’s an opportunity to potentially play some more cricket. I feel like that’s the only way that I’m going to push my way back into that eleven — by simply playing cricket wherever that may be.

I still have that drive and determination to want to keep playing. There were thoughts of whether it was time to retire from international cricket or not, whether I was still wanted, whether I was still good enough. But yeah, I’m not really thinking too far ahead now. It’s just about taking up whatever opportunities pop up to try and give myself the best possible chance and do my very best for the team that I’m a part of at that time.

Can Delhi Capitals go the distance this year?

We’re not being complacent. We know we still need to play good cricket. The last part of this tournament is in front of our home fans is a powerful feeling. I know a lot of the girls, myself included, are really relishing that.

We know the hurt that we felt last year and how close we came to being the inaugural winners. It’s a deeper driving force, particularly for someone like me who relishes a little bit of needing a point to prove.

K. MURALI KUMAR