‘Too much pressure to t in’
Leo Tolstoy’s quip, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” is frequently cited by the literati. Prachi Gupta, a 30-something Indian American writer, nods to this. Raised with a doctor father, a tender mother and a gifted brother in a quintessentially suburban life, Gupta unveils what really goes on behind closed doors, be it mental health a©ictions, verbal and physical abuse; all with the possibility of looming — though unexpected — deaths making an appearance.
Her memoir, They Called Us Exceptional and Other Lies That Raised Us, was based on an essay she wrote in 2019, and her struggle to make sense of the death of her brother, with whom she shared an on-and-o£ companionship. The expansion into a book includes a wider lens of her upbringing in America and emergence into young adulthood — including romantic relationships, career changes, family dynamics — with further analysis. Edited excerpts from an interview.
Why write a memoir? I never really wanted to write a memoir. I dreamed of writing ction. But in 2017, my brother Yush died. We had been best friends for most of our lives, but at the time of his death, we had been estranged for about two years. In my grief, I had to understand how he died, and what any of us could have done di£erently to save him.
Answer:
You acknowledge potential blowback for airing family challenges.
I agonised over whether or not to write this book. But I kept coming back to the belief that if a book like this had existed for my family when we were younger, maybe things could have turned out di£erently.
A:
You mentioned growing up in a predominantly Caucasian community impacted your self-perception, even calling yourself “ugly” for your curly hair and other Indian traits.
This is unfortunately a very common experience for anyone who grows up in an environment where they do not match the image of what the dominant society or mainstream culture idolises as beautiful or desirable.
A:
I still struggle with it sometimes, but certainly the media landscape in America has changed a lot from the 1990s. And, more holistically, as I reached my 30s, I began to deprioritise “tting in”. Now I am so grateful for the traits that I have inherited from my ancestors.
Without giving too much away to our readers, your father