The Smart Manager : 2019-02-12

Cover Story : 16 : 14

Cover Story

14 www.thesmartmanager.com The Smart Manager Jan- Feb 2019 about getting to be heard this way and to give the gift of hearing another person this way. And it is what we refer to as empathy. listening is a learnable skill broken down into four parts. Step 01 is a way of being while listening to the speaker without talking to yourself about what they are saying. This is ‘being present’ with the speaker. And this being present is a foundation for each of the following three steps. After having established being present with both yourself and the speaker, step 02 consists of focusing your attention with curiosity on what the speaker is communicating. Keep in mind that the speaker may not be clearly expressing, or expressing at all, what they are seeking by speaking to you. Also, core to this step is to guess what needs the speaker might be seeking to meet by speaking to you, and to guess what request they might have of you, even if all they are really asking for is to be listened to. Step 03 is when you begin to verify with the speaker whether the guesses you have making the guess, the speaker has the opportunity to clarify what it is they want you to hear. When the speaker starts a conversation, they may not know why they are asking you to listen to them and what they want to result from the conversation. So, your initial guesses both help them get to get clearer within themselves what they want from this conversation, and also how to communicate it to you in a way you understand. So, you are now in an iterative process in which your guesses help the speaker become more Why is listening in this way so important? Because when people know they have been understood as they would like to be, then they in turn are more likely to listen so as to understand others in the same way; this builds trust between people.

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