The Smart Manager : 2019-02-12

Cover Story : 32 : 30

Cover Story

30 The Smart Manager Jan- Feb 2019 Talking on and on is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both of you deteriorating into alternating monologues. word in, or subtly signaling that they need to be elsewhere (possibly, ‘anywhere’ else if you have been really long-winded and boring). task, relevant and concise. But then you unconsciously discover that the more you talk, the more you feel relief. Ahh, so wonderful and tension-relieving for you… but not so much fun for the receiver. This is the second stage—when it feels so good to talk, you do not even notice the other person is not listening. The third stage occurs after you have lost track of what you were saying and begin to realize you might need to reel the other person back in. If, during the third stage of this monologue poorly disguised as a conversation, you unconsciously sense that the having them talk and then listening to them, the usual impulse is to talk even more in an effort to regain their interest. Then of course, they want to get away from us even more as they sense our increasing desperation to undo our embarrassing faux pas. Why does this happen? First, the very simple reason that all human beings have a hunger to be listened to. But second, because the process of talking about ourselves releases dopamine, the pleasure hormone. One of the reasons overly talkative people keep gabbing is because they become addicted to that pleasure. Not long after my book, Just Listen, came out, I too succumbed to ignoring signs that I had started to annoy my friend and fellow coach, Marty Nemko, host of a

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