The Smart Manager : 2019-02-12
You Can’t Listen, If You Don’t Stop Talking Goulston : 33 : 31
You Can’t Listen, If You Don’t Stop Talking Goulston
you can’t listen, if you don’t stop talking Goulston ■ 31 www.thesmartmanager.com The Smart Manager Jan- Feb 2019
on listening, you need to talk less and listen more.”
After I recovered from the embarrassment, he pointed out a nifty strategy that I
personalities, who tend to be less patient.
as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. So the light
light is red. Yes, there is an occasional time you want to run that red light and keep talking, but the vast majority of the time, you would better stop or you are in danger.
from talking too much. It is also important to determine your underlying motivation for talking so much. Is it that it just feels good to go on and on and get more stuff off your chest? Do you talk to clarify your thinking? Or do you talk because you often have to listen to other people, and when you have found someone who will let you have the microphone you just cannot help yourself?
Whatever the cause, talking on and on is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both of you deteriorating into alternating monologues. And that certainly will do little to move the conversation or your relationship forward.
One reason some people are long-winded is because they are trying to impress their conversational counterpart with how smart they are, often because they do not actually feel that way underneath. If this is the case for you, realize that continuing to talk will only cause the other person to be less impressed.
Of course, some people who talk too much simply “may not have a sense of the passage of time,” Nemko says. After all, how could something that feels so pleasurable to you be causing another person such discomfort and it does not help that you stop noticing non-verbal cues and hints from the other that broadcast, “Stop already! I’ve heard enough!”
If this is the case, the cure is not to look inside yourself for psychological insight. It is
a watch to catch yourself, for example, when on the phone. You will get in the habit of stopping an utterance when your light is still green, or at least yellow.
include the other person in the conversation. To avoid that, ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation so it is a genuine dialogue instead of a diatribe.
Even 20 seconds of talking can be a turn off if you do not include the other person in the conversation. To avoid that, ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation so it is a genuine dialogue instead of a diatribe.
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