He's been cheating on me with his sister-in-law

Q. I’ve experienced probably everything that can be experienced at the physical level. Now I’ve met this dude who has never been in a relationship before, physical or otherwise. Help! He says it has never happened before because he comes from a broken home and his mother always over-protected him. She passed away recently and now he’s on his own and a bit lost, but very much hooked on to me. He’s so innocent but on many things he’s very silly as well; he feels shy undressing in front of me, and I wonder whether it’s fair for someone like him to be in a relationship with someone as experienced as me. In any case, I’m not into him emotionally; he’s too much of a baby for me. Should I call it off now or should I give him some “training” before calling it off? I think it’s important for him to get that training. — R. A. If he’s emotionally involved with you but you’re not emotionally involved with him, you won’t get hurt, but you’ll be hurting him unnecessarily when you call it off at a later date. Far better to call it off now, especially because he’s probably more sensitive and vulnerable than most people; he comes from a broken home and has lost his mother recently. As for what you call “training”, won’t that happen naturally once he gets into a full-fledged relationship? Q. We were in the same school, same college and the same locality and now we’re working in the same organisation. With an almost three year-old relationship between us, I thought I knew every little bit of my boyfriend. But now to my utter shock I’ve discovered, totally by chance, that he has a relationship with his sister-in-law, who is more than five years older than him. He’s saying he loves me, and that it’s just physical with the sisterin-law and that she dragged him into it. I believe him, but it does show he’s weak and he’s been cheating on me as well. I’m very disillusioned. Do I really want to continue with such a person? Please help me decide. — K. A. Considering you’ve been so close to each other and the fact that we all do make mistakes at times, perhaps you should give your relationship a chance to begin anew. However, that would depend on three major considerations. One, do you still care for him? Two, is he clear that he’ll have to end his involvement with his sister-in-law, no matter how much she coaxes or cajoles or compels him? Three, are you sure he’s not emotionally involved as well with his sister-in-law? Q. I turned 21 this month and this has made me really worried. All my friends are either in a steady or a live-in relation- ship and I seem to be the only one who can’t seem to keep a relationship going for more than a few months. All my relationships begin on a fabulous note. I then begin to see things about my boyfriend in a new way which puts me off, and that’s the end of the relationship. I have no regrets that they ended — they were not my kind of guys. But will I ever find someone my kind and how? To find out will mean another relationship and probably another ending. This is worrying me to no end. I can’t think of an arranged marriage either. Please guide me. — Y. A. Till you get to know each other really well, how will you decide whether or not you want to share the rest of your lives or even a part of the future with each other? So don’t draw back if you’re attracted to someone. But yes, try and keep any expectations on hold and let the relationship unfold naturally. Secondly, take your time and don’t rush things to a level for which you are not really ready or the relationship is not really ripe. Here again, try and let things happen spontaneously. Thirdly, try and stop comparing your relationships with those of your friends: they may be friends but they’re also different people. Each of us has different needs and tastes. And finally, do remember that often, the best things are those that happen on their own — maybe a fulfilling relationship with an unlikely person, or in an unlikely manner. So remain open and positive; with your whole future before you, it’s just a matter of time before you gel longterm with someone.