He cheated on me, now wants back in

Q. We had a very, very intense relationship for almost two years, and then my best friend literally “stole” my boyfriend. But their relationship didn’t last — serves them right. It was very difficult and depressing, but I moved on, partly because I had no other option but to move on. The problem is, my “ex” now wants to be back in my life and though that would be very good for my ego and my prestige amongst my office gang and other friends, in my heart of hearts I don’t really respect him any longer. But he is somebody I know so well and I also know that if we resume the relationship, I’ll now always hold the upper hand. On the other hand, my friends are advising me against it, saying he’s done it to you once, he’ll do it again — once a ditcher, always a ditcher, etc., — so I’m in a dilemma. Should I give it another chance or just keep moving on in the hope of meeting someone who won’t be a ditcher? —R. A. The fact that you haven’t rejected the idea of resuming your relationship shows that somewhere within you, there is a desire, a possibility of making your relationship work at a new level. So try and give it another chance and this time, hopefully there won’t be any ditching. However, before making a decision to recommit yourself, do try and find out what actually happened to cause the split between your ‘ex’ and your former best friend — did he ditch her or did she ditch him or was it mutual? That will help you make a more ‘informed’ decision. Q. I’ve had a good number of flings and now I want to settle into a relationship that will be longstanding, preferably a live-in one, at least initially. I’ve had a lot of responses on Facebook, but when we ac- tually meet, most men want an open-ended relationship, which makes me suspect they have another relationship going. I’ve dated plenty of men who were in so-called ‘steady’ relationships, even married men. So how do I go about finding a reliable partner who’s also interested in settling into a relationship? Please advise. —A. A. A woman’s intuitive sense is seldom wrong and in any case, it’s always advisable to go by one’s gut feelings. Our reasoned judgement might be biased in some way but an intuitive sense and gut feelings have an amazing ability of getting to the core of issues in a totally unbiased manner. So keep meeting men; there’s bound to be someone who’ll make your inner voice say, “This is it, here’s someone with whom I’m in tune; here’s someone I can rely on.” Q. My parents have such a good relationship and I’m very envious of it because all my relationships so far have not just been flop shows, they’ve also hurt me deeply. I’m so put off by men. They’re all the same — very happy if you satisfy them physically and say “yes, yes” to everything they say and that includes all the really silly things they come up with. But the moment you’re a person in your own right, they want an end to the relationship. My problem is that even though I’m off men, somewhere I know I won’t be able to escape the marriage system. So I’ve decided to go in for an arranged marriage and right now there’s a fairly acceptable proposal. The guy’s a bit slow on the uptake and that suits me. But my parents are advising me against it as they think he won’t get very far professionally and there could be other handicaps. They’re suggesting I wait for other proposals and then decide, but by then this guy might get hooked up. Should I just go ahead even though I’m uneasy going against my parents’ judgement? —I. A. Your parents may have a point. Don’t forget, they have far more experience of life than you do and besides, they have your interests at heart. Moreover, even though you want to go ahead, you too are uneasy going against your parents’ judgement. Therefore, perhaps you should wait for other proposals. Who knows, there may be somebody who comes along who makes both you and your parents happier.