Sex education for parents is what we need to talk about
Bigotry begins at home, and in order to be good parents, we must ensure that we address the delicate topics of sexuality and sexual orientation with an open mind, not least when it comes to our own kids.
KORAL DASGUPTA
The other day I found some ladies in the coffee shop discussing the child of some other woman who is effeminate, and hence suspected to be growing up into a gay man! The ladies laughed demonstrating the behaviour of the child, and also that of the mother the moment she is asked anything about this.
Humanity in this world still does allow gossip on such topics and the humour sourced from there isn’t punishable by any definitions.
Their animated discussions sadly bring me to investigate the role of parents, if they really feel that their children might be carrying homosexual instincts.
The very first battle for parenting would perhaps be to let go of prejudices and accept it as a choice of the child. First and foremost, we as parents need to fight ourselves before we fight with the rest of the world. Whatever conversation I overheard from the adjacent coffee table made me feel that the mother of the concerned child is antagonised that her child be “accused” as such. Hence she is responding defensively, which makes her a topic of laughter and gossips. The simultaneous irony is, not every boy who is effeminate is gay, and not every boy who is gay is effeminate. The same applies to girls. So the mothers sitting over the table, turning their coffee hotter with the best laid “joke” of the evening can’t really vouch for what is brewing at their own home. But I do feel concerned at how such attitude displayed by educated, modern parents would affect their children in the long run.
I knew a doctor who was gay. Because of parental influence and peer pressure, he was forced to marry a girl simply to prove that he was straight. Post marriage, he turned grumpy, complaining and abusive because his body was forced to perform acts which didn’t pleasure him. His marriage fell off on grounds of domestic violence.
As parents we perhaps need a crash course on psychologically adapting ourselves to the choices of our children. From forcing the career of our choice to med- dling with sexual orientations, we have endorsed compulsive and regressive parenting as our habits since long. About time that we break away from our own limitations and give our children the strength to represent their own truth. Often in such cases, the first resistance that the child faces is because of the prejudices that exist in his own home. And the battle that starts from where his faith rests, is a very unfortunate journey.
We as parents must understand that even if we disapprove, the child won’t be resurrected. Their thoughts and behaviours might be supressed, but that suppressed energy will come out through some undesirable means. Rather, let’s embrace nature. Let’s accept whatever is a part of nature. Given the societies that we live in, the child exhibiting gay or lesbian instincts would have to fight out his basic rights at different levels. It would be psychologically comfortable for him if that fight doesn’t start at his home. It is important for him to find parental support in his choices, which are neither harmful nor interfering with the rest of the people around.
What happened in Orlando has broken hearts. A person gunned down people just because they were gay. For him, being a gay is a bigger crime than killing people!
Though not at such a criminal level, there are many among us who feel that homo-sexuality is a perversion, and that it must not be encouraged. Parents perhaps must ask themselves that how unconditional they really are when it comes to seeking happiness for their children. If they are truly committed, then perhaps they would understand that forcing a sexual orientation is as harassing as asking a literature aspirant to take up nuclear physics. Only that, the former is much more severe than the later. It would be difficult for that child to excel; and even if she does, she would never be happy in carrying forward the rules unfairly dumped upon her where she can’t express freely.
My deepest urge to the parents is to help our children grow up in calmer, stress-free environments where their freedom are not threatened. To the other parents, who love to make fun of someone else’s children in lavish kitties, it’s sad that education and opulence hasn’t given them learning; they are still cocooned into a space that is few centuries old. About time that they mature and handle their own kids with that realisation.
As parents we perhaps need a crash course on psychologically adapting ourselves to the choices of our children. From forcing the career of our choice to meddling with sexual orientations, we have endorsed compulsive and regressive parenting as our habits since long.