Thank you for calling the Social.com detox centre: A Transcript
scroll of idly glancing at the billions of things happening all around you, unable to decide which one you should pursue, press 5 followed by the pound sign.
If a moneybags politician hired an army of social media experts to show his glowing messages on top of your timeline and you believed them as True News, press 6 followed by the pound sign.
If you keep checking on what your ex is doing and looking at pictures of her with a venture capitalist, press 7 followed by the pound sign.
If you regret your potential employer seeing a tagged picture of a drunk you pissing into a flower pot at an office party, press 8 followed by the pound sign.
If you feel guilty about escapism, neglecting personal life, idleness, and/or addictive behavior, press 9 followed by the pound sign.
But, if you want to limit Social.com usage to 90 minutes a day with only 18 glances of 5 minutes each time, and you can live with that, then get a life and hang up. Thank you for calling Social.com!”
This is a satirical piece