Thank you for call­ing the So­cial.com detox cen­tre: A Tran­script

The Times of India (New Delhi edition) - - TIMES NATION -

scroll of idly glanc­ing at the bil­lions of things hap­pen­ing all around you, un­able to de­cide which one you should pur­sue, press 5 fol­lowed by the pound sign.

If a mon­ey­bags politi­cian hired an army of so­cial me­dia ex­perts to show his glow­ing mes­sages on top of your time­line and you be­lieved them as True News, press 6 fol­lowed by the pound sign.

If you keep check­ing on what your ex is do­ing and look­ing at pic­tures of her with a ven­ture cap­i­tal­ist, press 7 fol­lowed by the pound sign.

If you re­gret your po­ten­tial em­ployer see­ing a tagged pic­ture of a drunk you piss­ing into a flower pot at an of­fice party, press 8 fol­lowed by the pound sign.

If you feel guilty about es­capism, ne­glect­ing per­sonal life, idle­ness, and/or ad­dic­tive be­hav­ior, press 9 fol­lowed by the pound sign.

But, if you want to limit So­cial.com us­age to 90 min­utes a day with only 18 glances of 5 min­utes each time, and you can live with that, then get a life and hang up. Thank you for call­ing So­cial.com!”

This is a satir­i­cal piece

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