MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS AND ME...
I AM THE FOURTH OF THE FOUR CHILDREN MY PARENTS HAVE AND
am their only son. Since my parents had waited a long time for me, they pampered and spoilt me and so did my sisters. While I enjoyed this I also enjoyed doing whatever my sisters did and this was perhaps why I learnt cooking with them from my mother. I was good at it and my mother soon began to taunt my sisters that I was better at cooking than they were!
I continued to like cooking and began to experiment with new dishes and soon I began to be the one who cooked when we had guests. And when visitors oohed and aahed over the food, my mother and sisters would laugh and proudly tell them that I had done the cooking.
My father was the only family member who did not praise my cooking. He would frown at my sisters and tell them to learn to cook as well as I did and also scold my mother, but my sisters would only tell him that the woman I married would be a lucky woman. I ignored both the accolades and went on pursuing my hobby.
Soon cooking was more than a hobby for me! It became a passion! In fact, it was, I decided, what I wanted to do the rest of my life! So, without telling my family, I applied for admission to the most famous cooking institute in the city
To my relief, I was called for an interview and told that I would be asked to cook something and to come prepared. I went prepared and to my great joy, I was on the selected list when it was displayed a week later.
I went home feeling that I was walking on air, imagining how my family would and proud be happy when I told them about my achievement. But when I tole them. My father was the first one to begin to berate me and then he reminded me that he had given me a form to fill up for admission to engineering college. He then scolded my mother and sisters for having encouraged me to cook. Then they too began to scold me!
Now I do not know what to do. I know that I will never be happy as an engineer – and that I will only be happy as a chef. I also know that certainly my sisters and that even my mother would have no objection to my becoming a chef if my father dropped his demand. But I also know that he is a narrow-minded man who really knows little about what is going on in the world. I will never become anything but a chef and if necessary will leave home and go away. I have money that my grandfather left me and I could do this. But I do not want to do such a thing. Please advise. Do not think of doing anything drastic like leaving home because you should instead fight for what you want. Start by first getting your sisters on your side. As young people belonging to your generation, they are likely to understand your feelings best. Tell them about your deep desire to become a chef and, if they find that strange, ask them find out about this career and about males taking it up. Once they are convinced, ask them to help you by talking to your mother and father.
Stand firm in your intent and you will certainly get your parents on your side.
I GOT MARRIED FIVE YEARS AGO TO A MAN WHO HAD LOVED ME
and whom I had loved since we had both been in class four. We were both the same age but he was better than me at studies and was also stronger and bolder than I was. So I did not feel as if we were the same age but instead felt that he was older than I was. So I did not understand why my parents fretted over the fact that I wasn’t marrying a man who was more mature than I was and who was settled in life.
But I understood their worry by the time I had been married a year and had a child. A child is, after all, a big responsibility and I discovered that, while. I was ready for this responsibility, my husband was not. He had a good job and was making good money and he wanted to go out and have fun – not to come home to an exhausted wife and a crying baby!
Now I feel that my marriage was a mistake and that I should have married an older and more mature man – in fact I have even found the perfect man whom I should have married! This man is a neighbour and is 15 years older than I am. He doesn’t keep in very good health and so works from home and I came to know him when some months ago, he heard my daughter screaming non-stop and came and knocked on my door and asked me if anything was wrong and if he could help. From that day he has been my friend, philosopher and guide and we have begun to love each other. My husband does not know about him and I do not feel guilty about this because he had not been behaving well towards me.
Now the man I love wants to have sex with me and to marry me. I too want to do this. Should I go ahead?
Surely you know that though you can have sex with this older man, you cannot marry him till you divorce your husband! And to do that is a long and expensive process. You will need a lawyer and will need to have a reason to divorce your husband and the reason cannot be that you want to have sex with another man.
You should also ask yourself if you really love this older man or if you are attracted to him because you are lonely and feeling helpless and he is offering to look after you. Both you and your husband were too young when you got married and you had a baby when you were too immature. But that cannot be changed now and what you both need to do is to grow up and face the realities of life.
You should now have a frank and honest talk with your husband (you need not tell him about the older man) and discuss how you will deal with the problems you are facing. You should also take the help of your parents in looking after your child.