IAM A 19- YEAR-OLD STUDENT STUDYING IN STANDARD X. I HAVE fallen in love with a boy who is three years younger than I am and is my classmate. Actually, this boy had been in love with me ever since we both were in standard IV. This is not surprising because I am very beautiful and most of the boys in my class are in love with me. But I had not been in love with this boy earlier. I had then been in love with another boy who is very popular because of his ability to crack jokes and make the class laugh.
But this boy had fallen out of love with me and into love with a new girl who joined our class and I too had fallen in love with another boy. But now I am in love with the boy who has been in love with me since we were both in standard IV. However, I have a problem that everyone in my class, especially the girls, are making fun of me. They are all saying that something is seriously wrong with me, and that I am boy-mad and abnormal. They are saying that they are going to tell our class-teacher about all that I am up to.
Actually the truth is that I have no real friends in my class. So I am worried that my classmates, especially the girls, will complain and tell the teacher that I have a bad character. If they do that, I will be in real trouble.
I am very worried. Please advice me on what I should do.
While you have given many details of your love affairs while you are still in school, you have given very few other details about yourself, your family background, your parents, etc. This leaves many questions unanswered.
For instance, how is it that you are just in standard 10 when you are already 19 years old? And surely your parents are aware of their daughter’s obsession with members of the opposite sex and worried about this.
And if they are worried, surely they have discussed this with your teachers. Even if they were too embarrassed to do this, haven’t they at least discussed your slow progress in studies with them?
You have also not discussed, or in fact, even mentioned, your family life or what your relationship with your parents is like. You have also not mentioned any siblings you have and how you get along with them. All this is very worrying and so is the fact that you say that you have no friends.
Because of this lack of information about you and your family, it is difficult to address your worries or to suggest any course of action that will help you.
It would therefore be better if you talk to an older person you have confidence in or you can consult a counsellor.
IWAS DEEPLY SHOCKED AND DISTURBED WHEN MY much younger only brother suddenly died some months ago. I felt the shock all the more because my mother had died just a year earlier.
There was also the fact that my brother had just begun to establish himself in his business and I knew that my sister-in-law could would never be able to manage that, though she had no children who would need her attention. In fact, she was planning to close down the business and had already gone to live with her parents whose only child she was.
But what would happen to my brother’s business and what kind of life would my sister-in-law live for the rest of her life? These questions troubled me, but even before I could discuss these questions with my husband, he said thoughtfully that it would be best for my sister-in-law to learn to manage her husband’s business. He added that as her parents were not very savvy about such matters, it would be better if she came and stayed with us and, as a businessman himself, he taught her what she had to do.
I was very touched and thanked my husband profusely for his large-heartedness . I knew that this plan could work since my husband’s own business was in good shape and he had a loyal staff who were running things very well. I myself worked in a lab and had no experience of business.
I then explained things to my sister- in- law and her parents that very day and, when they all agreed that this would be the best thing for my sister-in-law, I brought her back with me.
My husband was true to his words and he took lots of pain with my sister-in-law. He even left his own business to his senior assistants and devoted himself to explaining things to my sister-in-law.
In the meantime, I too got busy with my own work, but it was not long before alarm bells began to ring in my head and I realised that my husband was having an affair with my sister-in-law!
It took me some days to get the courage to confront two of them, but when I did so, both were unrepentant. My husband in fact had the audacity to tell me that as long as I did not make a fuss, I could continue to live in the house!
This was a week ago and for this week, I have been living cut off from both my husband and my sister-in-law in a world of my own while both my husband and sister-inlaw ignored me and had sex .
Now I feel that I cannot survive in this atmosphere any longer. And there is no reason why I should. I have no children, a job that gives me a good salary, have made wise investments and my husband seems to have forgotten that that much of our savings is in my name for tax reasons.
There is absolutely no need for you to put up with this kind of insulting behaviour from your husband and sisterin- law. So plan to leave your present abode, taking all your belongings, your money and your bank papers etc with you, as soon as you can – doing this unobtrusively.
But before you actually leave you have to plan for your future very carefully. You may have relatives or friends who can help you. If you do, take their help to decide where you will live. If you do not have anyone who can help you, find out about places where you can stay.
In the future, you should keep your money and possessions safe and be careful whom you get close to. Tell any good friends and colleagues you have about what has happened and start a new life. But be careful, not to tell all and sundry the details of what you have been through.
But before that, be prepared for your husband to descend on you and to demand that you return his money. Stand firm if he does this and be ready to go to the court to fight for your rights!
EVERYONE WHO KNOWS MY HUSBAND AND ME THINKS THAT
we are a very successful couple. This is because though both of us started small, we both did well in our careers and earned promotions, regular increments and very good reputations for ourselves in the companies we worked for. Besides this, we raised our two children very well and our son became a doctor and our daughter, a specialist in data analysis. Today, both our children have very good jobs in England.
After we retired, both my husband and I began to divide our time between India and England and had the satisfaction of seeing how well our children were doing, first-hand.
We also helped them get married to suitable partners whom we introduced them to.
So, we have had very successful and satisfactory lives and have fulfilled all our dreams – but this makes the fact that now the two of us are not at all happy together, all the more strange! we have not been happy for the last two years or so!
What makes it all the more strange is that till two years ago, we had always been close, had generally agreed on all matters and had hardly ever quarrelled! But today my husband is often churlish and snaps at me and I generally am happiest when I do not have to see his face!
What has happened to the two of us? We are now actually thinking of separating – though we know that if we do, our children will be devastated. Please advise. Practically all your adult lives, you and your husband have been working hard with two objectives – the first was to be successful in your careers and the second was to ensure that you gave both your children good foundations that they could build on so that they succeeded in life in every way.
These goals not only kept both of you fully occupied all these years, they also provided the two of you with a strong adhesive of common aims that kept both of you close.
But now that you have achieved your goals, both of you are not just feeling at a loose end, you are also feeling that there is nothing holding you together. In fact, both of you have begun to feel that in reality, you have nothing in common that can do this!
But considering that you stayed together and worked together happily for practically a lifetime, this cannot be true. What is much more likely is that both of you are people who need to keep busy and have a goal. So sit down and discuss this with your husband and plan how you will keep yourselves usefully occupied – and then enjoying yourselves!
IAM A 22- YEAR-OLD WOMAN AND AM THE ONLY CHILD OF MY parents. My parents have struggled hard all their lives as both sets of my grandparents barely educated their children before they left them to their own resources. Both my parents then had to come up the hard way and were unable to reach their full potential.
For this reason, my parents have from the beginning, wanted me to fulfil all their dreams. They wanted me to top in every school and college activity, to later get a fantastic job and then make all their dreams come true.
In spite of my being a topper, my dreams are different. I love painting and music and can spend hours at these activities. I am also a dreamer and am not at all ambitious. If they realised this, my parents would be horrified, but till now I have been able to fool them by using my brains.
But now I have fallen in love with my next door neighbour and I do not know how much longer I will be able to fool my parents. This neighbour is nearly my father’s age and though I have known him all my life, I have really looked at him only now! This came about when my father requested this neighbour, who is a very intelligent, to help me with general knowledge. It was during these sessions that the two of us realised that we loved each other. I am not ashamed to say that I was the one who proposed and asked this wonderful man to marry me!
Now I want to have sex with this man and he is even more keen to have sex with me! In fact he is not able to keep his hands off me when I go to his home for my “classes”! What I now need is advice on how I should tell my parents that I want to marry this man.
Do you not find many things about your “love affair” strange? Why did this man who is nearly your father’s age, never got married? How is it that after living next to each other all these years, he waited till now to fall in love with you? What are his plans? And as far as you are concerned, why are you suddenly attracted by this much older man with whom you have literally nothing in common?
Actually, your problem seems to be that you do not like the plans your parents are drawing up for you, but you do not have any plans yourself. Why don’t you discuss this frankly with your parents. Surely, while they are ambitious for you, they also love you and want you to be happy. And when they had to make compromises in their own lives, why would they not be ready to make other compromises to ensure that you are happy?
As far as your lover-boy is concerned, he is bad news and you should have nothing more to do with him!