TEENACHE MY FAM­ILY, MY FRIENDS AND ME... CHILD CHAL­LENGES

Woman's Era - - News -

IAM A 15- YEAR-OLD GIRL WITH A HAND­SOME BOYFRIEND WHO IS two years se­nior to me in school. I like him a lot as he is a nice guy, but what bugs me is his very jeal­ous na­ture. He just can­not stand it if any an­other boy talks to me. He gets fu­ri­ous even if a boy even smiles at me!

When I re­prove him for his be­hav­ior, he claims his jeal­ousy only shows how much he loves me! And that he wants me to be­long only to him…

Should I tol­er­ate his at­ti­tude or split with him? He is really very con­trol­ling.

Love has no place for jeal­ousy, be­cause all one wants is the hap­pi­ness of the other per­son. But we are all hu­man and it is easy to fall prey to jeal­ousy and re­sent­ment when we see our part­ners with other ad­mir­ers. Jeal­ousy stems from in­se­cure feel­ings.

If your boyfriend was self con­fi­dent and was con­fi­dent of your love for him, he will not feel threat­ened when you talk to other boys.

If you care for him and do not want to give him up, try to bol­ster his self worth and im­age so that he stops feel­ing in­fe­rior, and per­haps afraid that you will leave him. There is no guar­an­tee that he will change, though! If his be­hav­ior irks you too much, it is bet­ter you leave him am­i­ca­bly. Af­ter all, a toxic re­la­tion­ship brings noth­ing but dis­tress to both part­ners. The choice is yours, en­tirely.

IBELONG TO A TRA­DI­TIONAL JAIN HOUSE­HOLD. OUR KITCHEN DOES not even have onions or gar­lic in food prepa­ra­tions. Some time back, I ate some mut­ton biryani which my friend had brought for lunch, and I liked it a lot! Af­ter that, ev­ery time she brings this, she in­vites me to share it with her. And I ac­cept it.

I am plagued by guilt and self ha­tred for de­ceiv­ing my fam­ily. Please ad­vise. Should I con­fess, or stop or do it se­cretly?

How old are you? If you are above 18 years of age, you may be able to choose your ac­tions with­out elders’ or guardians’ con­sent and ap­proval. But this goes be­yond this: you are be­tray­ing your loved ones, in a way, pre­tend­ing to be some­one you are not. This nat­u­rally is giv­ing you the guilt feel­ing.

Why don’t you tell your mother about it in con­fi­dence? She will be shocked and an­gry, surely, but she will be com­pas­sion­ate too, and ad­vise you to stop it.it will at least, lift a load off your mind. Even if you are not will­ing to lis­ten to your mother, at least you will feel re­bel­lious but not guilt rid­den.

It is such a small is­sue. Why don’t you con­trol your taste buds and turn down your friend’s of­fer? It will make you feel in con­trol of your­self and sense or­gans!

IAM IN A TER­RI­BLE DILEMMA. I CAN­NOT DE­CIDE whether to stand by my prom­ise to my best

friend or break my word, in her own in­ter­ests, ac­cord­ing to my opin­ion. She has a boyfriend and she of­ten goes out with him at night, but she uses me as an al­ibi to her par­ents, say­ing she is with me!

Now, I re­alise this boyfriend is an un­scrupu­lous and un­trust­wor­thy fel­low, but she re­fuses to give him up. Can I tell her par­ents or am I bound my prom­ise to keep her se­cret? We are 16-year-old girls. You should def­i­nitely do what is good for your im­ma­ture friend who seems to be too in­fat­u­ated by this boy to think clearly. If she gets into trou­ble in this clan­des­tine af­fair it will spoil her rep­u­ta­tion and life it­self. Threaten her that you will break your prom­ise if she re­fuses to give up this boy and tell her par­ents the truth. This could scare her into lis­ten­ing to you. If she re­fuses or pre­tends to break the re­la­tion­ship but does not in re­al­ity, go ahead and in­form her par­ents. You can feel guilt­less be­cause you have warned her any­way. But be pre­pared to re­ceive a strong rep­ri­mand from her par­ents though for let­ting their daugh­ter get into this mess. She would not have been able to do all this,with­out your sup­port, isn’t it? You can tell them though that you had not recog­nised the boy’s faults ear­lier. This should also be a warn­ing for you. Do not com­mit your­self in such du­bi­ous sit­u­a­tions in the fu­ture.

IAM A 17- YEAR-OLD GIRL IN CLASS ELEVEN OF A GOOD SCHOOL IN Delhi. All my class mates are pre­par­ing for the cru­cial 12th class Board ex­ams by get­ting many tu­itions . As I be­long to a mid­dle class fam­ily, my par­ents can­not af­ford to en­gage tu­tors for me. I am the el­dest of three sib­lings and their needs have also to be met by my par­ents. I un­der­stand their lim­i­ta­tions but feel very de­prived, as the oth­ers are do­ing much bet­ter than me in class. I feel de­pressed. What can I do?

You should know that there are sev­eral stu­dents in the same boat. Is there no friend or rel­a­tive who can help you with your stud­ies gratis? Or at a smaller fee?

You could ask a con­sid­er­ate friend to show you what her tu­tors are teach­ing her, for some tips and notes, etc.

Even your class teach­ers could be help­ful in clear­ing your doubts if they know you are un­able to get ex­tra coach­ing.

There are tu­tors who spe­cially cater to stu­dents who be­long to less af­flu­ent fam­i­lies, and you could find out about th­ese too.

If it is pos­si­ble for your par­ents to avail of a ed­u­ca­tion loan pro­vided by the govern­ment for the un­der­priv­i­leged, it could help.

In the mean­while, stop wast­ing your time in self pity and whin­ing. Gird up your loins and hit your books. Many achiev­ers in ex­ams have of­ten con­fessed that they stud­ied on their own, with­out tu­tors. You can join their ranks too.

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