5 BEHAVIOURS THAT DRIVES A MAN AWAY
Beware of them.
The most loving relationship can turn sour when respect, identity and freedom of a partner are lost. A man generally tries to move away from his woman and spend time doing something else when he could have been with her and his feelings have been deeply hurt by the behavior of this woman. As Walter Winchell puts, “Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.”
Criticism: Rajiv was contemplating divorce. The reason was small but strong. He never received any appreciation from his partner no matter what he did. From the day he was married his wife argued and belittled him in whatever he did. “If I did not do anything she would complain that I was not concerned. If I did anything she would not like the way I did it. I told her to tell me openly what she was expecting from me and I will do it rather than playing mind games with me.” Criticising your partner or his efforts is the most destructive behaviour in a relationship. All humans seek appreciation and receiving appreciation from those we love encourages us to keep doing better things.
Criticism sends the message to the partner that he is not liked, appreciated, understood and respected.
Assumptions: A relationship truly thrives when your partner feels secure that you are the person to go to under stress to get support, care and protection. Negative assumptions in relationship can put both partners at war with each other. One will be blaming with a sense of superiority and the other defending himself. “If anything went wrong she would assume that I did it purposely without giving me the benefit of doubt. I was relenting for an outing with friends that day in the evening. Still I agreed because she was eager to go. Somehow I was caught up with some urgent office work and got late. We missed the outing and she
assumed I did it intentionally and neglected her feelings. Then a series of arguments followed. She blaming, I defending. This happens often. I am fed up.”
I me myself attitude: A relationship is give and take. As much as you love to take in a relationship you also have to give in for the happiness of your partner. “It’s always her say. Whether it is going somewhere, buying stuff, celebrating events, caring for other relationships and its level, the food we eat and everythingelse. It’s her mood, her feelings, her interests and her respect. If she decides on something I have to oblige even though I find it unnecessary or unconvincing.” Caring and understanding your partner’s feelings, accepting and respecting his choices in life is what makes a relationship stronger. Else, in your own pursuit of happiness you are destroying the peace and joy from your man’s life.
Control: “It was fine during the courtship period but from the day we got married she changed completely. She wanted me to change everything in my life – the way I dress, the way I sleep, my investments, my relationships – isolating me from my friends circle, my hobbies, my way of talking, my favourite programmes on television, my hairstyle, my eating habits etc. I tried in the beginning but her demands increased day by day and she started dictating me even the way I should work at office. Instead of loving her I started getting scared as she was threatening me.” Controlling your partner makes your relationship toxic. Most of the times the dominating partner feels that she is doing this to make her man a better person. True relationship exists when each partner likes the other for who he really is and there is compatibility.
Anger: Anger often stems from utter dismay at how your spouse could have possibly done something he did. It is an output of ineffective communication. But the way anger is expressed is important. It should not be disrespectful and a traumatic experience. “She would get angry on the smallest of issues. Every time she disliked something instead of communicating me nicely she would resort to shouting, yelling, abusing, throwing things and getting violent. Her anger would be uncontrollable. And she took time to settle down. It got difficult for me to stay under one roof with her. I had to be careful with my words, actions and behaviour all the time at home. For anything could trigger her anger.”
ALL HUMANS SEEK APPRECIATION AND RECEIVING APPRECIATION FROM THOSE WE LOVE ENCOURAGES US TO KEEP DOING BETTER THINGS. CRITICISM SENDS THE MESSAGE TO THE PARTNER THAT HE IS NOT LIKED, APPRECIATED AND UNDERSTOOD.
Where there is love there is life.