5 BE­HAV­IOURS THAT DRIVES A MAN AWAY

Be­ware of them.

Woman's Era - - Contents - Jy­oti Gal­ada

The most lov­ing re­la­tion­ship can turn sour when re­spect, iden­tity and free­dom of a part­ner are lost. A man gen­er­ally tries to move away from his woman and spend time do­ing some­thing else when he could have been with her and his feel­ings have been deeply hurt by the be­hav­ior of this woman. As Wal­ter Winchell puts, “Never above you. Never below you. Al­ways be­side you.”

Crit­i­cism: Ra­jiv was con­tem­plat­ing divorce. The rea­son was small but strong. He never re­ceived any ap­pre­ci­a­tion from his part­ner no mat­ter what he did. From the day he was mar­ried his wife ar­gued and be­lit­tled him in what­ever he did. “If I did not do any­thing she would com­plain that I was not con­cerned. If I did any­thing she would not like the way I did it. I told her to tell me openly what she was ex­pect­ing from me and I will do it rather than play­ing mind games with me.” Crit­i­cis­ing your part­ner or his ef­forts is the most de­struc­tive be­hav­iour in a re­la­tion­ship. All hu­mans seek ap­pre­ci­a­tion and re­ceiv­ing ap­pre­ci­a­tion from those we love en­cour­ages us to keep do­ing bet­ter things.

Crit­i­cism sends the mes­sage to the part­ner that he is not liked, ap­pre­ci­ated, un­der­stood and re­spected.

As­sump­tions: A re­la­tion­ship truly thrives when your part­ner feels se­cure that you are the per­son to go to un­der stress to get sup­port, care and pro­tec­tion. Neg­a­tive as­sump­tions in re­la­tion­ship can put both part­ners at war with each other. One will be blam­ing with a sense of su­pe­ri­or­ity and the other de­fend­ing him­self. “If any­thing went wrong she would as­sume that I did it pur­posely with­out giv­ing me the ben­e­fit of doubt. I was re­lent­ing for an out­ing with friends that day in the evening. Still I agreed be­cause she was ea­ger to go. Some­how I was caught up with some ur­gent of­fice work and got late. We missed the out­ing and she

as­sumed I did it in­ten­tion­ally and ne­glected her feel­ings. Then a se­ries of ar­gu­ments fol­lowed. She blam­ing, I de­fend­ing. This hap­pens of­ten. I am fed up.”

I me my­self at­ti­tude: A re­la­tion­ship is give and take. As much as you love to take in a re­la­tion­ship you also have to give in for the hap­pi­ness of your part­ner. “It’s al­ways her say. Whether it is go­ing some­where, buy­ing stuff, cel­e­brat­ing events, car­ing for other re­la­tion­ships and its level, the food we eat and ev­ery­thin­gelse. It’s her mood, her feel­ings, her in­ter­ests and her re­spect. If she de­cides on some­thing I have to oblige even though I find it un­nec­es­sary or un­con­vinc­ing.” Car­ing and un­der­stand­ing your part­ner’s feel­ings, ac­cept­ing and re­spect­ing his choices in life is what makes a re­la­tion­ship stronger. Else, in your own pur­suit of hap­pi­ness you are de­stroy­ing the peace and joy from your man’s life.

Con­trol: “It was fine dur­ing the courtship pe­riod but from the day we got mar­ried she changed com­pletely. She wanted me to change ev­ery­thing in my life – the way I dress, the way I sleep, my in­vest­ments, my re­la­tion­ships – iso­lat­ing me from my friends cir­cle, my hob­bies, my way of talk­ing, my favourite pro­grammes on tele­vi­sion, my hair­style, my eat­ing habits etc. I tried in the be­gin­ning but her de­mands in­creased day by day and she started dic­tat­ing me even the way I should work at of­fice. In­stead of lov­ing her I started get­ting scared as she was threat­en­ing me.” Con­trol­ling your part­ner makes your re­la­tion­ship toxic. Most of the times the dom­i­nat­ing part­ner feels that she is do­ing this to make her man a bet­ter per­son. True re­la­tion­ship ex­ists when each part­ner likes the other for who he re­ally is and there is com­pat­i­bil­ity.

Anger: Anger of­ten stems from ut­ter dis­may at how your spouse could have pos­si­bly done some­thing he did. It is an out­put of in­ef­fec­tive com­mu­ni­ca­tion. But the way anger is ex­pressed is im­por­tant. It should not be dis­re­spect­ful and a trau­matic ex­pe­ri­ence. “She would get an­gry on the small­est of is­sues. Ev­ery time she dis­liked some­thing in­stead of com­mu­ni­cat­ing me nicely she would re­sort to shout­ing, yelling, abus­ing, throw­ing things and get­ting vi­o­lent. Her anger would be un­con­trol­lable. And she took time to set­tle down. It got dif­fi­cult for me to stay un­der one roof with her. I had to be care­ful with my words, ac­tions and be­hav­iour all the time at home. For any­thing could trig­ger her anger.”

ALL HU­MANS SEEK AP­PRE­CI­A­TION AND RE­CEIV­ING AP­PRE­CI­A­TION FROM THOSE WE LOVE EN­COUR­AGES US TO KEEP DO­ING BET­TER THINGS. CRIT­I­CISM SENDS THE MES­SAGE TO THE PART­NER THAT HE IS NOT LIKED, AP­PRE­CI­ATED AND UN­DER­STOOD.

Where there is love there is life.

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