Tips on Writ­ing Your Own Wed­ding Vows

There is noth­ing wrong with say­ing tra­di­tional vows, (I did it!), but some cou­ples might want to be more ro­man­tic and pre­pare their own vows.

Maxx-brides - - FEATURE - Text by An­gel Onu-Njoku

Writ­ing your own vow is pour­ing out your heart to the one you love and want to spend the rest of your life with and it’ll be worth it when you’re up at that al­tar. Here are tips to guide you

De­cid­ing to write

De­cid­ing to write your own vow is some­thing that shouldn’t be taken likely; you have to be a 100 % sure. You need to talk to your part­ner about it, you both have to be equally com­mit­ted to the idea if not it wouldn’t turn out great. If you both agree to write your vows, do you want to write it to­gether or sep­a­rately? Will you show it to each other or would it be se­cret to be re­vealed at the al­tar?

Struc­ture and Re­search

Find­ing a struc­ture that works for you may re­quire some deep re­search, but don’t be afraid to mix and match. Use words like; I prom­ise __. I will __. I do __. I prom­ise to love, re­spect, and trust you, and give you the best of my­self, for I know that to­gether we will build a life far bet­ter than ei­ther of us could imag­ine alone. To start your re­search, read tra­di­tional vows — from your own re­li­gion, if you prac­tice a cer­tain faith, and also from oth­ers as well, along with sec­u­lar wed­ding vows, see what in­ter­ests you the most. You can in­cor­po­rate th­ese into what you write, or use them as a guide. Get­ting ideas from other sources isn’t such a bad idea! Bor­row freely from po­etry, books, even movies or video games. Take note of words and phrases that cap­ture your feel­ings. “Pla­gia­rism is both al­lowed and en­cour­aged. Truth is, most vows are pla­gia­rism since we’re hop­ing to steal some wis­dom from peo­ple that have gone be­fore us”.

Think about your re­la­tion­ship

Take some time, both sep­a­rately and to­gether, to think about what you love about each other and what makes your re­la­tion­ship spe­cial. Write down the most mem­o­rable mo­ments you have shared to­gether, good or bad. Re­flect on the prom­ises you want to make to your part­ner and the ones you don’t. • Why did you de­cide to get mar­ried?

• What hard times have you gone through to­gether?

• What have you sup­ported each other through?

• What chal­lenges do you en­vi­sion in your fu­ture?

• What do you want to ac­com­plish to­gether?

• What makes your re­la­tion­ship tick?

• What did you think when you first saw your fi­ancé?

• When did you re­al­ize you were in love?

• What do you most re­spect about your part­ner?

• How has your life got­ten bet­ter since meet­ing your mate? • What about them in­spires you?

• What do you miss most about them when you’re apart?

• What qual­i­ties do you most ad­mire in one an­other?

Write it out early and shorten your vows to one to two min­utes, max

Don’t leave writ­ing your vows un­til the day be­fore the wed­ding. Give them the time and thought they de­serve, and save your fu­ture self the stress of try­ing to be su­per thought­ful—most likely, you’ll be in a mil­lion dif­fer­ent places on the eve of your wed­ding, which is not the proper brain space. Your vows are im­por­tant, but it shouldn’t be lengthy. Pick the most im­por­tant points and make them clear. If yours is go­ing longer than two min­utes, edit it. Put some of the more per­sonal thoughts in a let­ter or gift to your fi­ancé on the eve or morn­ing of your wed­ding.


Me­moriz­ing is an op­tion, prac­tis­ing is not. It might be awk­ward but prac­tice look­ing up while you read your wed­ding vows, so you can ac­tu­ally look at your part­ner as you the words. It’s com­mon to mum­ble or speak softly when read­ing, so prac­tice your vows to make sure your fam­ily and friends will hear you. Th­ese are words that are meant to be heard by an au­di­ence, so check how they sound when spo­ken. Read your wed­ding vows out loud to make sure they flow ef­fort­lessly and watch out for tongue twisters and long sen­tences.

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