Oceania Insignia
Old-School Cruising
ON OCEANIA INSIGNIA, IT’ S EASIER THAN EVER TO APPRECIATE THE CRUISE AS THE ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE.
IT SEEMS THAT, ALMOST OVERNIGHT, THE CONCEPT
of “vacation” changed from one of relaxation, merriment, and luxury to an “experiential” adventure, often characterized by backbreaking physical work or a grueling life- and- death struggle. I’m sorry, but that sounds way too much like my daily life to be classified as an idyllic getaway.
And so I board Oceania Insignia with the hope that this 7- day “Mayan Mosaic” Western Caribbean sailing just might take me back to the way we used to vacation, before people started shaming us into believing that the only respectable holiday involves living in the wild, climbing Kilimanjaro, hiking the deserts of Jordan, or doing other stuff that involves schlepping a massive backpack and subsisting on beef jerky.
From the get- go, I knew I’d found what I was looking for.
With only 684 guests, embarkation isn’t a chaotic crush of thousands of roller bag-toting bodies but a seamless operation that, in minutes, has us up Insignia’s gangway and en route to our Concierge Class stateroom which, like all suites and staterooms aboard, shows the stunning results of a recent refurbishment. The experiential travelers can keep their sleeping bags and tents while I luxuriate in the Wedgwood blue and gray color scheme of stateroom 7031 with its Ultra Tranquility bed, fine linens, throw pillows, and gray tufted headboard. Shaded crystal globes illuminate gleaming silver hardware and an abstract maritime painting, while a bottle of champagne and two flutes rest on the table beside the plush loveseat near the sliding glass doors of a furnished veranda that, today, overlooks the PortMiami. In the small bathroom, Bulgari toiletries stand like little blue soldiers across the vanity. You sure won’t find them at any campsite at Kilimanjaro.
I dump my carry-on and am off to explore the ship. Insignia has a compact layout that is easy to navigate and quickly feels familiar. With four open-seating restaurants, eight bars and lounges (including a theater), a swimming pool, casino, library, fitness center, and spa divided among three of Insignia’s eleven decks (with some of the most popular public spaces flowing into each other), you simply cannot get lost aboard Insignia. Still, I find myself lingering in the elegant hallways, perhaps looking as though I’m uncertain of my direction. In truth, I’ve paused only to admire the plush new carpeting, wall moldings, framed artwork, and filigree staircases that surround me.
Our itinerary, with calls at Key West, Harvest Caye, Roatán, and Costa Maya, echoes the serenity of Insignia’s onboard experience. Well, all except Key West, where we arrive to find the island’s “Fantasy Fest” in full swing, with a riot of costumed and body-painted revelers parading down Duval Street past the quirky shops, the colorful wild roosters, and landmarks like Sloppy Joe’s where Ernest Hemingway used to raise a glass or two.
It’s impossible to talk about Oceania Cruises without singing the praises of its award-winning dining, recognized by prestigious publications like Town & Country, Fodor’s, Travel
Weekly, and USA Today. In addition to an elegant single-level Grand Dining Room and the all-day buffet-style Terrace Café (which offers lobster tail, steak, and jumbo shrimp grilled to
The experiential travelers can keep their sleeping bags and tents while I luxuriate in the Wedgwood blue and gray color scheme of stateroom 7031 with its Ultra Tranquility bed, fine linens, throw pillows, and gray tufted headboard.
Insignia is designed for relaxation and nothing reveals that better than a day at sea. Currents, the daily program, doesn’t include a dizzying number of activities; there are few daytime events that lure anyone from their deck chairs.
order each evening), Insignia’s two specialty restaurants — Polo Grill Steakhouse and the Italian Toscana — sit side-by-side on Deck 10 and each may be booked at least once during a 7-day cruise, at no surcharge.
Polo Grill brings the classic steakhouse to the high seas with a menu filled with savory starters, soups, and, of course, steaks. From the 7-ounce filet mignon to the 32-ounce bone-in prime rib, Polo Grill is first and foremost a celebration of succulent USDA Prime beef with hearty pork, veal, and lamb options playing supporting roles while an ample selection of seafood options includes whole Maine lobster, grilled jumbo shrimp scampi, and Cajun blackened salmon. Desserts range from steakhouse signatures like cheesecake and Key lime pie to the whimsical Chocolate Mousse Burger, a “patty” of rich and airy mousse topped with a “slice” of apricot jelly on an almond bun. But tonight, I’m headed to Toscana. Having consumed nothing since the Key West conch fritters so many hours ago, I anticipate an Italian feast while sipping an earthy and rustic Chianti at our table. The bread basket is in reach, piled high with an assortment of freshly-baked rolls and ciabatta, salted wafer-thin crisps, breadsticks, and a whole head of roasted garlic. The only thing between me and that ciabatta is my choice of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a decision I make with the help of an olive oil and balsamic menu and a tableside presentation of the characteristics of each variety. I go with a fruity oil and a sweet and sour full-bodied balsamic and turn my attention to the dinner menu where I wage a maddening mental battle between lobster fra diavolo over fresh tagliolini or dover sole drenched in lemon, parsley, and butter and fileted tableside. Fra diavolo wins and I’m rewarded with a generous portion of tender pasta, spicy and pungent, studded with chunks of briny lobster, sweet crushed San Marzano tomatoes, and a sprinkle of Italian parsley.
Insignia is designed for relaxation and nothing reveals that better than a day at sea. Currents, the daily program, doesn’t include a dizzying number of activities — except for spa appointments, daily trivia, a few health seminars, an enrichment lecture or maybe a feature film or wine
tasting — there are few daytime events that lure anyone from their deck chairs; deck chairs that are each outfitted with a terry cover that eliminates towels falling or blowing off the chairs, I might add. The deck and swimming pool are full of guests chatting — no steel-pan band or pool games here — and the only backdrop is a playlist, piped at perfect volume, that seems tailor-made for people like me, the ship’s baby-boomer demographic. “Hey!” I said to my travel companion more than once, “someone swiped the record collection I left at my mom’s house!”
We arrive at Harvest Caye, Belize, to find it is
Insignia’s guests alone who populate this massive private oasis of sun, sand, sports, casual dining, and shopping, owned by Norwegian Cruise Line and designed to accommodate one or more of its enormous ships. A sea of deck chairs and beach umbrellas sit upon powder-soft sand along the edge of the emerald sea while a mammoth 15,000-square-foot swimming pool dotted with palm tree–studded islands is a short distance away. For the most decadent experience, we rent a Luxury Beach Villa. Located in a private area of the island, each air- conditioned villa features a shaded front porch, private bathroom, Wi-Fi, and butler service with à la carte food and drinks delivered from the nearby Horse Eye Jack’s restaurant. A villa is also the ideal shelter in the event the island is deluged with one of the Caribbean’s all-too- common afternoon rainstorms, as we were!
In Roatán and Costa Maya, I again find my way to the beach, surrendering to the sound of the surf, the warmth of the sun, and, yeah, a few frozen margaritas.
Insignia isn’t the ship for those looking for round-the- clock activities and dancing ‘ til dawn, but it’s an ideal choice for those who enjoy pleasant shipboard camaraderie, exquisite dining, and superb service amid stylishly lush surroundings. Insignia may not deliver the same adrenaline spike as skydiving over Mount Everest, surfing a live volcano, or cliff-diving at Red Rocks, but it delivers an extreme that is so often missing from our daily lives: extreme relaxation. And that, ladies and gentlemen, gives me a real rush.