I’m not very good at travelling on my own, but USA here I come!

THIS week I’m flying solo. Literally. A quick business trip to the States (God I love the way that makes me sound like a tycoon!) has meant I have to go to Philadelphia for a few days. Himself cannot escort me this time round because he has to earn the money to keep me in the shoes I have become accustomed to! So I have been let loose on my own.

This is not a good thing for a variety of reasons. Firstly I get lost driving ten miles out the road, how will I even manage to make it to America? One time I was sent to cover a district court in a neighbouring town and I ended up in a different county!

I am notorious for having no sense of direction and I’m more than a little concerned about getting from the airport to hotel.

I have this little foible where, whenever I stay in a hotel, when I come out of my room I always turn right and keep walking. It doesn’t matter what room I’m staying in I always turn right. How am I going to navigate an international airport to get to a hotel an hour away?

And then there’s the bags. I do not travel lightly. I have a lot of baggage, both physically and emotionally! I am used to someone helping me with it. How am I going to carry two suitcases on my own? Would it be bad to pretend to be wheelchair bound?

Then there’s the fact that I’ll have no one to talk to for seven hours on the plane. Last time we flew to America I kept up a running commentary for the WHOLE journey, even when Himself was plugged into some movie he was watching, I kept talking. I find it therapeutic. Others need therapy if they have to listen to me, but it makes me feel relaxed.

Assuming I actually get there, I then have to accept the fact that I’m going to be spending five days on my own in a hotel in the middle of nowhere. With NOBODY TO TALK TO! How will I survive?

I suppose I need to adapt a more positive attitude. , I can go shopping without anyone looking over my shoulder to see how much money I’m spending.

I could use the hotel gym to work out. That is so not going to happen but it sounds good in theory. I can read books, watch whatever telly I want and order room service. These are all life enhancing activities.

My father has warned me not to get into any trouble. Seriously I’m 47 years old, what kind of trouble does he think I could get into?

‘Well there’s a bar and you like a drink. And you’d talk to anyone. Just remember you’re in a different country,’ he warned ominously.

I suspect he thinks I’ll get arrested for being drunk and disorderly or for publicly displaying anti-Trump behaviour.

Me? I won’t open my mouth!

MY FATHER HAS WARNED ME NOT TO GET INTO ANY TROUBLE. I’M 47 YEARS OLD, WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE DOES HE THINK I COULD GET INTO?