HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS
WITH Christmas Eve just days away, final preparations are in full swing to ensure Santa’s sleigh is ready for the off.
Santa’s elves have been working around the clock to ensure they build enough toys for all the girls and boys around the world. Meanwhile a specialist team has been busy checking the warehouses to make sure that the number of Nerf guns, LOL Surprise Dolls, Lego sets and other toys match the numbers requested by children in their Santa letters.
There was major panic last Thursday when it appeared that hundreds of Our Generation Dolls were missing but it turned out that the North Pole’s Chief Seamstress, Cindy Candycane, had brought them home so she could work day and night creating their fabulous outfits on her sewing machine.
Elfecutive Logistics Officer Simon Sleighbells confirmed yesterday (Tuesday) that everything is on schedule and that the sleigh is 80 per cent packed up, with a special compartment just for presents for County Wicklow.
This year, Santa has a brand new sleigh after the prototype wormhole sleigh he used last year landed him in a spot of bother (more on that later). His new model is a ‘Seamless Sparkle’, which glides through the air at a trillion miles per hour, leaving just a hint of a glimmer for anyone looking up at the night’s sky. The sleigh also boasts even more storage – and a good job too, as Mr Sleighbells confirmed that the ‘good list’ for the Garden County has grown longer this year.
‘We’ve had reports of a number of young elves moving into houses across County Wicklow and getting up to all sorts of mischief,’ said Mr Sleighbells.
‘Despite this, it appears that the children of Wicklow are not following their lead and, in fact, have been on their very best behaviour. I just checked the naughty list and I can’t find a single Wicklow name on it. Meanwhile, the good list seems to have grown three feet longer this year,’ he said.
As the children have been so good, they are being asked to help Santa out this year as not all preparations have gone entirely to plan.
‘We’ve had a minor disaster!’ said Jerry Jingles, the North Pole’s Chief Elf. ‘Mrs Claus’s oven broke just over a week ago and, with all the snow and cold weather, the repair man still hasn’t arrived.
‘So there’s no mince pies, no gingerbread...no anything that Santa likes to nibble on during the day. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s not his usual jolly self and his big, red suit is even starting to get a bit loose!
‘If all the children could leave him out a treat – a mince pie, a piece of shortbread, a bit of pudding or a gingerbread man – that would be fantastic and soon have him back to himself again.’
The blanket of snow has caused further bother at the North Pole as the flakes are particularly powdery, making it difficult for the reindeer to practice their taking off and landing.
‘As a result, they’re perhaps not as fit as they would usually be,’ said Mr Jingle’s. ‘We fear that this may result in them getting quite tired during their flight so, again, if the children have any spare carrots they could leave out, that will help Rudolph and the others keep going all night.’
The children are also being asked to keep a five-foot zone around the Christmas tree free from sweet-wrappers, toys or anything else that Santa could slip or trip on and, of course, to go to bed nice and early on Christmas Eve.
While Mr Sleighbells couldn’t reveal Santa’s exact flight path this year (something to do with weather patterns and tailwinds), he did say that the man in red was expected in Co Wicklow between midnight and 4 a.m. on Christmas morning.
He also revealed that he has been speaking to a range of groups around the Garden County for the past number of months, as a Christmas co-ordination operation swung into action.
Among these is Wicklow Fire Service, which was called into action last year when Santa lost control of his prototype sleigh while leaving Laragh and found himself tangled in a massive tree near Glendalough. He abandoned attempts to free himself as he feared losing balance and tipping all the presents onto the ground and instead called nearby Rathdrum Fire Station for assistance. A rapid response from the crew soon had him on his way again.
Recent cold temperatures combined with the reindeers’ speed could put them in danger of a bout of freezyfaceitis – a condition that leaves the animals with a numb tongue and gasping for a drink. To this end, the fire service has been scouting out locations where a blast of water from their hose will create a temporary lake for the reindeer to drink from. In case of emergency, Russborough House, Powerscourt Estate and the National Disabled Angling Facility in Aughrim have all been placed on standby for access to their lakes.
Wicklow SPCA has also taken the lead in a countywide coalition of animal welfare charities (including ASH Animal Rescue, Wicklow Animal Welfare and the Irish Horse Welfare Trust) that has undergone extensive training in handling reindeers and treating common complaints, such as detangling tails, clearing hooves of slippy ice and removing Christmas lights from antlers.
Wicklow Civil Defence, the Glen of Imaal Mountain Rescue Team, Dublin Wicklow Mountain Rescue Team, Coast Guard and RNLI have all been briefed on how to approach the reindeer so as not to startle them should Santa take a wrong turn and get stuck on a mountainside or stranded on a cliff face.
Having made good time on last year’s journey, Santa was able to stop off in the Wicklow Mountains so that Rudolph and Blitzen could visit their deer cousins, Red and Fluffy Tail. It just so happens, that when Prancer got back to the North Pole, he discovered that he too has Wicklow cousins! And so, in conjuction with the rangers at the National Parks and Wildlife Service, arrangements have been made for Santa to stop off again this year. The location is top secret and will only reveal itself to the reindeer as they fly overhead, thanks to some special paint the rangers put on certain rocks, which will make them glisten in the moonlight.
Having stopped by Fitzgerald’s in Avoca last year to get Ballykissangel fan Mrs Claus a selfie, Santa is under instruction to pay a visit to Tutty’s in Hollywood this time, as his wife is a huge Meryl Streep fan and loves ‘Dancing at Lughnasa’.