Myself and Himself are total polar opposites when it comes to activity

‘GOD I FEEL INVIGORATED!’ SAYS HIMSELF SMUGLY. ‘GOD I FEEL LIKE I’M NEVER GOING TO WALK PROPERLY AGAIN,’ I REPLIED

THERE are basically two types of people in the world: those who like nothing better than doing nothing and those who can’t sit still for a second. I am definitely the former.

My idea of Heaven is sitting on the couch in front of a roaring fire, glass of something alcoholic in hand and watching telly.

I never crave activity…… unless it’s shopping and the children will say the only way to get me to do anything remotely physical is to tell me there’s a pub at the end of it!

Unfortunately I married someone of the latter persuasion. Someone who never stops from the minute he gets up in the morning until he goes to bed at night.

He’s the first up at weekends always. You might say fair play to him. Well try live with him! He has a tendency to come charging into the bedrooms, clapping his hands like a sergeant major and saying, ‘right! What are we doing today?’ Even the dog cowers when he sees him coming.

The curtains are wrenched open as he orders us to get up, ‘it’s a lovely day’, he announces religiously even when it’s lashing rain. And regardless of the weather he will find something to do. Oh you can bet on it.

So apparently last weekend I promised him and the Youngest that I would go on a cycling expedition with them. Now I don’t remember saying this. I’m pretty sure there was alcohol involved and that I was not of sound mind when I agreed to do it but they refused to let me off the hook.

‘I’ve just had the flu jab. I’m sure they said not to do anything too vigorous especially cycling,’ I told them. ‘ Tough!’ he replied, loading the bikes onto the back of the car. Reluctantly I dressed in my new Tommy Hilfiger leggings, sweatshirt, hat and scarf. Well if I was going to do it I was at least going to look good!

‘Daaaaaaaad, Mam is in the bedroom putting a full face of make up on and wearing new clothes, Who does that?’ squealed The Youngest. They may take my spirit but they will not take my style I tell them as I attempt to hop up on my bike.

The biggest mistake I made was not asking beforehand how long this expedition was going to be, until we were on our way. It turned out to be 20 km. 20 Bloody km!!!! I moaned and groaned and asked, ‘are we there yet?’ at least 20 times.

By the time we actually reached a bloody pub I had to be helped off my bike and practically carried to a table. ‘God I feel invigorated!’ says Himself smugly. ‘God I feel like I’m never going to walk properly again,’ I replied ordering a large glass of wine.

He takes a swig of his pint and says, ‘Right what will we do next weekend?’

Shoot Me Now!