The lunatics are back running the asylum

IT was easy at the start, when the professionals were in charge. When Leo and Simon were told what to say; told this wasn’t a time for egos, for point- scoring or electioneering, that failure to listen to those in the know would have dire consequences.

It was easy then. Leo adopted his most presidential tone, stuck to the script, and we all felt safe and sound. Even the roadmap to recovery seemed plausible, seemed as if it had come from the minds of medical practitioners rather than the assembly of eejits, half-wits and blackguards who usually make the decisions.

That was all grand. The problems started when the lads wrestled back control from the doctors, physicians and scientists who had been steering the ship through these choppiest of waters, from the experts who had been focused on the preservation of life, on minimising the human cost of the virus.

I presume those experts are still around, that they aren’t considered dispensable like, say, a Minister for Agriculture. But if they are still on the premises, still on speed dial, they’re being ignored at the moment.

The variety of regulations, implementations and legislations currently being enforced could only come from our basket case of a government, from a coalition which never looked likely to coalesce and is too preoccupied with one-upmanship to worry about the well-being of the nation.

Let us start with the public houses, with the ongoing farce surrounding the reopening of all pubs, whether wet, dry or slightly moist. Back in May, when the roadmap was published, one of the few intangibles was the decision to only open pubs which served food.

It didn’t make sense then, it doesn’t make sense now. However, at the time it was expected that those not serving food would follow suit three weeks later. That didn’t happen, it still hasn’t. Instead, in an effort to penalise those who’ve been circumventing the wet pub/dry pub rule, our government has added another string to its bow, afforded itself the status of National Auditor of Public Houses, Accountant in Chief, as it seeks to weed out the crafty feckers charging €9 for a few lukewarm chicken nuggets.

Talk about missing the point. Right now, everyone is scrabbling for survival, making a living by any means necessary – the black economy is booming, fed by rising unemployment, anger and general mistrust.

Forget about penalising the law-breakers and focus on those who are playing by the rules and suffering as a result. Closing a few premises down isn’t going to solve anything, it’s not going to curtail the spread of the virus, see those numbers plummet.

It will just send those drinkers elsewhere; home, to a neighbour’s, out on to the streets, or into another, already busy, pub.

Instead of concocting devious plans to entrap skullduggerous barmen, why not go back to the experts, to the lads polluting our national newspapers, our airwaves, with common-sense ideas, see what they think, what they advise.

Then there’s the GAA, the bloody GAA. Okay, so the limit on outdoor spectators applies to all sports, not just hurling and football, but really this is about the GAA – domestic soccer attendances are meagre and the rugby doesn’t really get going till the New Year.

Why are the gates of every GAA ground in the country still closed while the main street of every town and city in Ireland is thronged with people on a daily basis? No one is asking for Hill 16 to be packed to the rafters, to have Dubs, Corkonians and Kerrymen p****** in one another’s pockets every Sunday afternoon. But a simple social distancing rule, one similar to that practised on buses, in schools, would allow for at least some fans to see the games live and for the various county boards to have some income this year.

Oh buses and schools, I nearly forgot them, nearly forgot the Government is forcing children off buses into cars, or out of school altogether because they have no other means of transport. That it waited until the last minute to do this, and that, if and when, children do make it to school they will enter a premises more packed than a public house, more confined than a GAA ground, and a premises which sadly, judging by the number of closures, looks to be a breeding ground for the virus.