Once loving children are now in tolerant teenagers who are ALLERGIC to me!

THERE was a time, in the far and distant past when I could do no wrong in my children’s eyes. In fact they would weep inconsolably when they were separated from me for any length of time. Mine were the arms they ran into when they were upset and they actually listened (OK sometimes) when I had advice to impart.

Now I have two teenagers – one is 15, the other 18 and the only way I can describe their feelings towards me during this current phase of their lives is – “allergic.” Yes they are well and truly Mother Intolerant. They can take me in very small doses but after that, they break out in a rash and beg for me to stop talking.

Nine times I was told last week that I was, and I quote, “REALLY annoying.” I usually tend to take this kind of a comment as a back handed compliment. I mean surely they wouldn’t say that to me if they really meant it?

Oh no, the 15 year old meant it alright. Apparently I’m just “too much” first thing in the mornings when I’m driving her to school. I am not allowed, under any circumstances to sing Watermelon Sugar in front of her again and actually if I could refrain from singing indefinitely that would be great.

“Mum, please just stop talking! You’re stressing me out!” I was informed when I asked her who would her ideal man be. “Or woman, it can be a woman – I’m totally ok with the gay thing……or even the bi-thing……well at a push, but look it’s grand. Not the gender fluid thing though. I’m not sure I could handle that and your father certainly couldn’t.”

“It’s 8 am STOP TALKING Please!” she yelled before putting her earphones on. And It’s not just the early morning school run that gets me in trouble though. The afternoon school run resulted in them calling me judgemental because I said the 18 year old’s friend looked “a bit slappery” when he showed me a photo of her wearing a bra and mini skirt on a recent night out.

“I didn’t say she WAS a slapper, just that she looked a bit like one,” I clarified. There was a sharp intake of disapproving breath from the back seat. “You can’t say stuff like that anymore. It’s bigoted and sexist and…….” The 18 year old stumbled around for another charge to throw at me.

“The truth? Look I’m just saying first impressions are very important and *Sarah* (not her real name just in case she hunts me down) is a lovely girl but she does look a bit tar……”

“Stop! Just do not say it! Just say nothing and drive” shouts The Eldest from the back seat. “I wish she’d say nothing in the mornings” retorted The Youngest.

I think I may just let them walk from now on.

“MUM, PLEASE JUST STOP TALKING! YOU’RE STRESSING ME OUT!” IWAS INFORMED WHEN I ASKED HER WHO WOULD HER IDEAL MAN BE.