Whotakescare ofthosewhocare forothers?
EVERY day in the Drogheda area, hundreds, if not thousands of people, begin their task of caring for their sick, elderly or disabled loved one.
It is quite often a thankless task, with little reward, save the comfort of knowing the person they love is being cared for in the best way available to them.
However, the pressure of being constantly ‘on call’ can take an emotional and physical toll and the question is often asked, who cares for the carer?
James Mullen is just one of the many selfless people who effectively puts their life on hold to look after a family member, in his case his 89-year-old mother Veronica.
He says he would never complain about having to look after her, but being a carer is without a doubt the toughest job in the world.
“Sometimes you ask yourself if people really know what we do. At times, it’s like being stuck in a cave, with no one in it, and you’re shouting, “do you know what’s going on”?
“You seem to be doing okay, everything is fine, but you feel trapped and alone. People will say “you’re doing great”, and inside you’re burning, but you never complain because people wouldn’t understand, unless they’re caring for someone too.
“You’re effectively living two lives; in fact, you’re living theirs’ but you’re not really living your own, because everything is dictated by them. Your spare time, your outlets are all closed off.
“The only way to survive it is to talk to others in the same position, as it’s very tough mentally.
“I know It’s not just me, there’s plenty worse off than me, and at least my mum can walk; there’s many caring for disabled, or a child, or someone with dementia, and I don’t know how they do that.
“I was a self-employed heating engineer when I started to care for my father who took ill in June of 2013, but I nearly cracked, because I was flat out at work, and with the amount of work I took on with my parents, something had to go.
“I had to jack in my job, but you do more than give up work as a full-time carer, you give up your contact with others and your social life. It’s very isolating.
“Everyone knows carers are vastly underpaid, but emotionally, it’s draining, and where is the emotional support for us?
“Other people get tired of hearing you talk about it, and to be honest, I think they can almost see it coming down the line for them and they don’t want to see it.
“It’s a human reaction, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
“I have two brothers, but it’s more or less me with mum, and I think that’s the same with a lot of carers. Because I am at home, with no family of my own, I was the obvious one.
“And I want to stress, it’s not about doing it. I love my mum, and your parents raised you and sent you on your way, and when you see them going down, you can’t walk away, no matter what.
“It’s an emotional rollercoaster. You knew them when they were fit and strong. Now when they have a good day, you have a good day, and there are lots, hilarious moments even. But when they have a bad day, you have a bad day.
“The support is totally inadequate; it’s haphazard, with different hours and different people. It’s take time for an elderly person to trust someone, they just don’t feel comfortable with new people.
“And the financial support is just a joke, almost insulting. It’s almost the same as the dole, which means I could get the same standing on the corner in the sun all day as looking after my mum 24/7.
“The government needs to see we take a huge burden off the State, saving them millions.
“Society as a whole needs to value its carers more. I worry for those who are just them and the patient - because you tend to put the patient first.
“You have to be reminded that you have a life too, and you come first, because without you, the other person can’t survive.”