Himself bet me I couldn’t stay off the drink for a week... and he won

I was at the doctor’s recently regarding a minor complaint. Most of my medical complaints are minor. I just like to make them sound major so I get more sympathy. It doesn’t always work! Anyway the doctor said he had to ask me a few general questions. The first related to alcohol consumption.

‘Would you describe yourself as a minimal, average or excessive drinker?’ he inquired politely. Well, I thought, that depends on who you’re asking, doesn’t it? I would say I’m average, an alcoholic might say I’m minimal and my kids would say I’m excessive!

‘Does anyone actually answer that question honestly?’ I replied laughing. The doctor didn’t laugh back. He asked me would I drink more than 16 units a week. ‘ What’s a unit?’ I asked. ‘ Would you drink 16 gin and tonics a week?’

‘Jesus No!’ I laughed relieved, ‘Sometimes not even half that,’ I say a bit smugly. He writes me

I’M JUSTIFYING MY NIGHTLY GLASS OF WINE BY THINKING THERE’S ONLY7 NIGHTS IN THE WEEK, THAT’S ONLY 7UNITS. I STILL HAVE ANOTHER9 TO SPARE!

up as a minimal drinker and I go home delighted with myself. Himself roars laughing when I tell him. ‘I think his idea of a gin and tonic and your idea of a gin and tonic are totally different,’ adding that if we were going on my measures I probably drink double that amount.

The kids then get in on the act. ‘Mam you always have a glass of wine in your hand at night,’ says the Teenager self-righteously. I’m secretly justifying my nightly glass of wine by thinking there’s only 7 nights in the week, that’s only 7 units. I still have another 9 to spare!

‘Bloody hell can a woman not have a glass of wine watching telly now without being called a lush?’ I ask indignantly. They all look at each other and smirk.

‘One glass! One glass at the end of the day. Is that too much to ask?’ Himself adopts his Holier than Thou face and bets me €100 that I can’t go without my nightly tipple for a week. They all fall around the place laughing.

Obviously I accept the challenge. I mean if I don’t, I may as well tell them to check me into The Priory. But I’m not looking forward to it.

The first night goes ok. I do the ironing and go to bed early to read my book. I wake up feeling virtuous.

The second night, The Youngest has a friend over so I’m on my best behaviour anyway. The third night I’m starting to get itchy feet, or a thirsty throat! We sit down to watch Netflix and I’d happily sell a kidney for a nice cold glass of white wine. I go to bed in a huff.

By day four I confess, I am hanging for a nice relaxing drink. A friend invites me to the cinema to go see Mamma Mia 2. When we get there she opens up a bag full of cans of gin and tonic! I think about it for all of 4 seconds and accept graciously.

Well it would be rude not to!!