Crouch’s sense of humour shines in entertaining read

PETER CROUCH’S sense of humour was present for all to see well in advance of his autobiography release earlier this year. He has been a huge hit on social media, Twitter in particular, for some time.

In his most popular of tweets, he has likened himself to taller members of the animal kingdom, joked that Raheem Sterling has a tattoo of him (Crouch) on the inside of his leg and that his build is similar to that of the gym-addicted Cristiano Ronaldo.

While most of these statements have been less than 140 characters and accompanied by just a clever picture, they have given the sporting world an insight into the personality of one of its tallest heroes and provided a template for how a ‘Peter Crouch Autobiography’ might read.

They have helped to make Crouch into one of football’s most likeable and relatable faces. In a sport where the salary of its employees continues to strain the relationship between footballers and fans, Crouch is the firefighter trying to control the blaze.

Fittingly, Crouch ignores the common trend in footballer’s autobiographies and refuses to tell his story in chronological order. Instead he divides his book into 25 sections, with each chapter dealing with a different aspect of a footballer’s life – it is a refreshing twist in a world saturated by similar life descriptions of past stars.

Some chapters relate to his on pitch heroics. They explain in detail how learning how to head a football evolved his game to Premier

League standard and he also outlined his battles with certain defenders and explained how he would try to get the better of the best defences in world football.

Others are solely about life away from the stadium. He addresses the culture change in football, of how hairstyle, tattoo choices, clothes and music are now almost as important as what you can do with your feet.

Each chapter, regardless of the subject, contains numerous compelling stories and anecdotes. Having spent the bones of 15 years at the pinnacle of football, banging in goals for Liverpool, Tottenham and England, Crouch has a seemingly endless ream of stories which he appears to have no qualms about divulging to his readers. It certainly makes for some very entertaining reading.

Crouch gives you honest insights into the professional football world which would otherwise be very difficult to find. He reveals one of the oddest stories, within his chapter about transfers, when he discusses some of the contracts which are currently being signed.

Crouch recalls the story of Giuseppe Reina - revealing that upon singing for Arminia Bielefeld in the second tier of German football, the player requested in his contract that the club build him a new house for every year he stayed at the club. Failing to specify the size of the houses, the club proceeded to make Reina houses from small Lego bricks annually.

Probably unintentionally, Crouch’s book acts as the ultimate survival guide for any budding young footballers beginning their careers in the professional game. However, that particular target market probably isn’t big enough to get Crouch near the best sellers list. That said, the easy-to-read, entertaining story-telling certainly opens the book up to the wider football fan base.

While a book might not always be the first on your list of Christmas gifts for the sports fan in your life, ‘Peter Crouch: How to be a Footballer” is the lightest reading you will find. Enjoyable and quirky, Crouch has given himself an even better image in the public eye and despite his retirement from the sport, one feels as if they haven’t seen the last of the 6’7” colossus.

JASON GOODISON

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