Second honeymoon seating plans, Separated on the flight to Brandosi

‘WE will be sitting in separate seats, at different ends of the plane on the flight out.’ ‘Eh?’ ‘You will be seat 12A. I will be at the back in seat 23D.’ ‘Oh, I’m sure we will be able to swap with someone, dearest. How could I bear to be so close and yet so very far away from my beloved for a whole two hours?’

‘You will just have to suffer a little. Besides, you will be beside the window and I know that you enjoy looking out the window.’

‘But, sugarplum, I could have a word with one of the stewardesses and arrange to move you forward, or move me to the rear. The cabin crew are generally very nice and helpful about these things.’

‘I think we should just leave these things, as you call them, just as they are. Anyway, you will be absorbed in that book you have been waiting so long to read.’

‘Ah, never mind that oul book. Here’s a better idea. I could pretend to be having an anxiety attack and they’d really have no choice but to put me next to you. Then you could feed me a couple of Tic Tac mints and tell everyone I’ll be okay now I’ve had my medication.’ ‘You seem to be hear me without understanding what I say.’ ‘You’re telling me that we’ve a slight problem which can be solved with just a little perseverance and ingenuity.’

‘No.’

‘You’re telling me that Aer Ryan have messed up our booking. We should stand up for passenger rights and not take any of their nonsense.’

‘No.’

‘What is the world coming to if a man cannot sit beside his wife when they set off on their annual second honeymoon?’ ‘Medders, please look at me and listen very carefully.’ ‘Okay, sweetiepie. I’m all ears.’

‘As I have already stated, you will be in seat 12A and I will be in seat 23D. You 12A, me 23D. Is that understood?’

Hermione is a real wiz, an absolute genius at making the most of the airline on-line sales. Brandosi was selected as our bargain destination for this latest expedition on the basis that the flights to this place we had barely heard of cost us about a tenner each. I say a tenner but herself attends to the precise details.

Herself turned the lap-top screen to allow me see the aeroplane seating plan she had been poring over, with 12A and 23D highlighted in red. I peered at the graphic.

‘But, darling, you used to get us the best seats in the house.’ ‘Well, that was then, and this is now. Now being the 07:50 hours flight from Dublin to Brandosi.’

‘Couldn’t you slip them a couple of quid, honeybun? Remember, you used to be able to slip them a couple of quid and sit anywhere you pleased. Practically on the pilot’s lap if you insisted.’ ‘Oh, you know these airlines. They keep changing their rules.’ ‘ They may keep changing the rules but they never stop looking for money. Hey, look, there’s an icon up at the top of the screen which might be relevant.’

‘Never mind that.’

‘But it seems to be something about seat selection… Ouch, mind my finger. No need to slam the lid down like that.’

‘Listen, dunderhead. You will be in 12A. You will consider yourself fortunate that you are in Row 12, Seat A and not stowed in the hold. As long as you insist on wearing that grey yoke, you will always, always find you are sitting at far remove from me.’ ‘Grey yoke? You mean my gilet?’

‘ That is the one.’

‘But it’s a classic garment, must be more than twenty years old. Every air traveller should have a grey gilet.’

‘What a horrid notion.’

‘It has pockets enough to take the contents of a small suitcase.’ ‘Exactly. It looks ridiculous.’

‘It looks practical. It looks like something worn by a seasoned traveller.’

It looks as though I will be in 12A so.