I’ve found expectation of school holidays far outweighs the reality

DID you ever notice how the expectation of school holidays far outweighs the reality?

You look forward to the break from routine for weeks thinking, ‘mid-term. Can’t wait.’

You relish the thoughts of a little lie in, in the mornings, chilled out days spending quality time with your off-spring.

No making packed lunches and trying to find various items of school uniform each night.

In essence – a break from the drudgery of school term.

Oh yes it sounds truly wonderful. But the reality in fact is, by day 2 of the much awaited holiday, you’re ready to give the little feckers up for adoption! Because their idea of a holiday is completely different to yours! The word ‘Holiday’ to them means basically doing nothing. And I mean NOTHING.

Unless you want to count being on their screens as an activity. Mine could probably win an Olympic medal for that. And it’s not that I’m a particularly energetic person- I’m lazy as sin. But even I baulk at the idea of spending an entire week indoors doing nothing.

I tried to be reasonable. They had their lie ins, The Eldest never surfacing before 12.30 with a face like a bag of hammers because he’d been on his phone till stupid O’Clock. ‘What do you want to eat?’ Reply: shoulder shrug. ‘What are you doing today?’ Reply: Grunt and shoulder shrug.

‘Are you going out later?’ Reply: Another shoulder shrug. Matters were compounded by the fact I was solo parenting. Himself had legged it to Rome for the rugby and while I couldn’t wait for a bit of peace of quiet before he left, I was now missing his firm hand to back me up.

Plus with him not there it meant I had nobody to talk to, except the dog and those conver- sations were a bit one sided. Two days in watching two teenagers glued to their screens and I cracked.

‘Right! That’s it! We are going out!’

This was met with a great deal of resistance but in the end I told them if they didn’t come with me they weren’t getting fed.

We went to the beach. It was a beautiful, fresh, sunny day. They weren’t impressed. In fact they looked like they were being tortured.

Even the lure of pancakes and hot chocolate couldn’t raise a smile. We probably looked like every other family on a day out but I wanted to throttle the two of them.

‘Well did you enjoy that?’ I asked, finishing off their pancakes for them. Waste not want not. Reply: Shoulder shrug from the Eldest. ‘Can we go home now?’ asks The Youngest.

I give up!

YES IT SOUNDS TRULY-WONDERFUL. BUT, BY DAY 2 OF THE MUCH AWAITED HOLIDAY, YOU’RE READY TO GIVE THE LITTLE FECKERS UP FOR ADOPTION!