Gorey mother and teacher opens up about her experience with stillbirth
TEACHER ALMHA MASTERSON OPENS UP ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE OF GIVING BIRTH TO HER SON NOAH AND THE IMPORTANCE OF THE FÉILEACÁIN CHARITY
A VERY special charity t-shirt day was held at Creagh College in memory of Noah Patrick Masterson, the son of Almha and Paul Masterson, who came into the world stillborn in September 2017.
As a result of the day and 80 t-shirts, organised by woodwork and technology teacher Almha, €1,200 was raised for the Irish charity Féileacáin, which were a great help to the Gorey family during their time of grief and even since then.
‘I made the 80 t-shirts myself and it just so nice to see everyone wearing his name with a different slogan on the front. It was a way of making sure that people don’t forget him,’ said Almha.
Doing this to mark his birthday, Almha explained that it is equally important to keep Noah’s memory going but also raise much-needed funds for the charity.
‘Féileacáin were there for us when our little boy Noah was born. We knew very early on in our pregnancy that he was sick but when we went at 23 weeks for a scan to make a plan for his health management, he had already passed away’.
Almha explained that after just a few months of marriage, herself and her husband Paul, who is from Coollattin, felt very lost in that moment.
‘We didn’t know what to do. We had to go home before we could go into the hospital to give birth to him.
‘The hospital chaplain help wasn’t really for us, it’s not for everyone but luckily some midwives told us about Féileacáin. The charity, set up in 2009 by someone who lost their own child, helped us to bring Noah home for a little while,’ said Almha.
She explained that her family were given a cuddle cot, which is just one of the many services provided to grieving families by Féileacáin.
‘The cuddle cot is like the opposite of an incubator in that it keeps the baby cool. You can have them at home for a couple of days before you have to say goodbye. It was so important to us to do that and show him his home and have time there with him.
‘They also gave us a lovely memory box to keep, with lots of little bits in it and they helped us to make prints of his hands and feet. Those were things that we could treasure,’ she said.
As well as these priceless gifts, Almha explained that through the counselling services provided by Féileacáin, things gradually became easier to grasp.
‘We didn’t have to find any of the answers ourselves, because simply you can’t at that time. You’re totally lost. They helped us get through it all and figure out what to do, even now they are still a great support to us.’
Since 2017, Almha has been raising money for the charity but also playing her part in raising awareness about stillbirth and baby loss, inviting spokespeople from Féileacáin to Creagh College to speak to students on occasion.
Normalising baby loss around her students in Creagh College was an important step in recovery for Almha.
‘The students understand now as well. They would have seen me pregnant with Noah, at the time they didn’t know what was going on, but it was important for me that the truth was told. They know more now since we have had Féileacáin in to talk to them.
Almha said that there is a lot of work to be done in Ireland to normalise this more.
‘Noah is my son, he always will be my son and he’s part of our family. I want to make sure that people aren’t afraid to talk to me about him, and in the future my daughter Hannah will know all about him too.
‘There’s a big taboo around baby loss, people don’t want to talk about it and they’re afraid to talk about it. After we lost Noah, I noticed people having an odd attitude towards me. They kept thinking that they’d upset me if they talk about it, but really if you don’t talk about my child it upsets me more.
‘Child loss happens unfortunately, but it’s important to know that Féileacáin is there to help. Through the charity, we have met other mothers and fathers, families who have gone through this and I’ve different friends now to who I would have had before.
‘It’s a real community, I suppose, and the more we know about it the more it’s normalised. You just don’t know what goes on in other peoples’ homes and who could have been touched by this,’ said Almha.
With about 500 people a year affected, there are some parents within the community that are working to change the law in Ireland to further normalise baby loss.
‘A mother, Caroline Smith from Meath, is working with Minister Regina Doherty in an effort to bring in a certificate of life, because if your baby is born before 24 weeks or under 500g, you can’t register them as being born.
‘For Baby Loss Awareness Week, other parents are looking into having buildings lit up in pink and blue,’ said Almha.
With Baby Loss Awareness Week currently taking place, Almha explained that her world view has changed since Noah became a part of her life.
‘How you view pregnancy and children, it’s even more special. It’s funny I used to run away from butterflies but now the word Féileacáin, which means butterfly in Irish, means something different to me now.
‘Féileacáin treat everyone involved with them as part of a family. Every year they mark Noah’s birthday, they have sent us a candle with his name on it and on what would have been his first Christmas, they sent us a decoration for the tree. It’s all the little things that mean so much,’ she said.
Féileacáin, which is volunteer led, also provide support to other children in the family in the sibling support programme and have a team of knitters, who hand knit gowns, dresses and suits for tiny infants that may not fit into baby clothes.
‘Féileacáin were there to help us in so many ways and two years on the pain doesn’t go away. We learn to live with it in different ways but Féileacáin help us to celebrate Noah’s life and remember him. They are there for us in good and bad times.’
To learn more about how Féileacáin can offer support, or to donate to the charity, visit www. Feileacain.ie.