THE POWER OF SEX

In the mod­ern era of dat­ing apps, women are more as­sertive than ever about their sex­ual needs. One Tin­der devo­tee, who has had more than 100 men, talks about how she ap­proaches po­ten­tial sex en­coun­ters...

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“You can let your in­hi­bi­tions go. I think it’s em­pow­er­ing.”

What do busy, suc­cess­ful, sin­gle young women do nowa­days when they want sex? The an­swer: Tin­der. I sat down with a friend in the fash­ion in­dus­try. She’s tall, blonde, hot and doesn’t mince words when it comes to what she wants – in bed or in life.

Lor­raine has a few years worth of Tin­der sto­ries for me. She calls her pur­suit of sex part­ners ‘dick de­liv­ery’. Mean­ing she’s con­sciously us­ing a ‘fuck­ing’ app, not a ‘dat­ing’ app. That’s how she de­fines the dif­fer­ence be­tween Tin­der and ei­ther Hinge (founded in 2012) or Raya, the newer ‘topse­cret’ celebrity dat­ing app, which works by in­vi­ta­tion only.

Fresh out of two longer-term re­la­tion­ships, Lor­raine started us­ing the “first, straight, fuck­ing app” for a fast track to the bed­room. In the process, she was ful­fill­ing her sex­ual needs with­out a lot of the ‘ex­tra en­ergy or ef­fort’ that goes into dat­ing.

“I’ll start chat­ting with guys,” she says. “I’ll ask them ques­tions.”

She also has a look at their so­cial me­dia to see what she can glean. “If no ‘red flags’ go off, and we seem to be on the same page,” she adds, “some­times we meet for a pre-date drink, some­times it’s straight to my apart­ment. I have a room­mate and my best friend next door, which I al­ways men­tion at the be­gin­ning of the date. If any­thing shady goes down, this date will turn very quickly when I start scream­ing!”

AL­WAYS USE CON­DOMS

She se­lected a young Ital­ian waiter. He brought a bot­tle of wine from his work­place (which she thought was ‘weird and cheap’) but had a feel­ing he might be ‘well­hung’. Fair­trade!

So how do the dates start?

“This one started on my couch. Mak­ing out led to the bed­room pretty quickly. He did turn out to be well-hung. The next morn­ing, he came around to my side of the bed and started fuck­ing my mouth. When he came on my face, his cum got into both my eyes! He was scram­bling around my apart­ment look­ing for a towel. It burns like a moth­er­fucker! I was mildly con­cerned about my morn­ing meet­ing, cause I couldn’t see for shit!”

Tyler, an­other can­di­date, liked older women.

“He told me, ‘If I fuck you be­fore I date you, I won’t want to date you’. I’m overly con­fi­dent, and most of these guys are stupid. I have to be a roadmap to help them. If I don’t cum you have to leave and you don’t get to come back.”

She re­counts a ro­man­tic one night stand with a very touchy Brazil­ian boy.

“When a guy I meet on Tin­der is overly af­fec­tion­ate, it makes me mis­trust­ful,” she says. “He went down on me, and it was SO bad. His nose was too big, beat­ing against me: it was tor­ture. I’m not afraid to be direct. I asked him if he knew what he was do­ing. I just don’t have the time or pa­tience… I’ve slept with over 100 men. I’m not timid. If you’re look­ing for a vir­gin, go to E-Har­mony.”

How do you pro­tect your­self from STDs?

“Dur­ing my in­ter­view ques­tions, I can tell if they’re ly­ing. I’m also very lucky. I have a girl­friend who waited and waited for the right guy be­fore hav­ing sex. She ended up get­ting HPV from her first time! The big thing is that I al­ways use con­doms. I can usu­ally tell if a per­son is hy­gienic by how they keep them­selves. Also, I’ll sue the shit out of you!

“I’ve had fuck bud­dies for over ten years,” she elab­o­rates. “Tin­der takes the al­co­hol risk out of it. It’s safer than pick­ing some­one up at a bar. I can see what their in­ter­ests are, you get the menu of some­one’s likes and dis­likes. There’s no safety with cold pick-ups. I’ve had co­pi­ous amounts of cock, swip­ing. You can let your in­hi­bi­tions go. I think it’s em­pow­er­ing.”

CUR­RENT BOYFRIEND

But not al­ways.

“Af­ter a while it gets tir­ing,” she ad­mits. “I tried dat­ing some of the Tin­der men. One guy I liked was a very ac­com­plished Syr­ian Refugee. He went to Columbia. He had a se­ries 7 BMW – smart, amaz­ing smile, sexy. But my fam­ily freaked out when I brought him around.”

“I come from a fam­ily of app users. My mother met my step­fa­ther in the '90s on the AOL

dat­ing app. Dur­ing their ‘safe call’ rit­ual, Lor­raine’s mom re­ported that her fu­ture step­dad ‘was the one’.

Af­ter three years on Tin­der, Lor­raine was ready for a re­la­tion­ship. The ex­pe­ri­ence gave her more con­fi­dence to seek out other plat­forms. She was pre­pared to look for more than just sex.

“You can’t take the dates on Tin­der se­ri­ously cause of what it is. It’s for the sex­u­ally ex­plor­ing per­son. I switched over to Hinge to find some­thing more se­ri­ous.”

That’s where she met her cur­rent boyfriend. “Be­fore we even met, I learned that he lived in China and spoke four lan­guages. On the first date, we had a great time just talk­ing and snug­gling, watch­ing TV. We waited a month and a half for sex.”

When he first asked ‘When are we go­ing to make love?’ she wanted to wait.

“If you want a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship you have to wait. Mo­tion ver­sus emo­tional.”

In be­tween ques­tions, we call Lo­rainne’s male room­mate, Alz – who’s from Nor­way – and she puts him on the phone. He has also used Tin­der.

“All you Amer­i­can girls are crazy,” he says. “Just want to fuck! ‘Come on over and fuck me’. I just turn them down. Three times this hap­pened. I’m a Virgo: I don’t do that.”

The lat­est sex opin­ions, tips and news with Cyn­thia Cata­nia

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