ESTHER O’MOORE DONOHOE ON…
Getting out of your own way
Iam a world champion daydreamer. To passersby, I may look like an ordinary woman buying her lunch in Dunnes, but in my head, I am in fact accepting an award from Celine Dion for some brilliant, and as yet undetermined, thing that I’ve done (probably saving an endangered sea creature). I add these daydreams to the never-ending goal list on my phone, where they live above long-term tenants – study French, read more, and commit to a heavy fringe. But in the past 12 months, while my book quota is up, I haven’t improved mon Français and my hair remains fringe-free. Writing to-do lists is all well and good, but at some point, words are not enough. Change requires action, direction and energy… 2020 is our year – let’s do this!
Then Monday rolls around and you think, “Ugh. Change is hard and I’m wrecked.” This, I understand. Between financial, familial and friendship commitments, who has the space to take an online class in Cantonese? But if you really want to turn those to-dos into ta-daaas, you have to push yourself, full force out of what’s comfortable. And I know altering lifelong habits is hard, especially when we’re exhausted. Naturally, our old routines feel effortless and safe. Making real your ambitions, whether it’s finally sorting out the back bedroom or hiking Croagh Patrick, means you’re going to experience discomfort. We just need a little determination to endure the short-term pain for long-term gain (adds “write poetry” to list). And of course, you’ll want to throw the towel in three seconds in. “Why did I start this? I’m too far behind. Look at everyone else doing the same thing as me but with curly blow-dries!” This is your inner Neggy Nuala – ignore her. She’ll be very convincing, though, running a full PowerPoint presentation in your brain as to why x, y, z can’t be achieved. “You can’t do it because you’re busy. Flat out!” “You can’t do it because it’s a Tuesday, Wednesday, mid-June. You’re hungry. You don’t know what a tracker mortgage is and you’re waiting for Brad and Jen to get back together.” So many reasons! Our minds want to follow the path of least resistance, and Nuala is just trying to protect you. The unknown is scary, but you’re a grown-up. Sure, you’re well able.
Because honestly, what is the alternative? Wait for another decade to pass you by or for someone to give you permission? I wasted a l ong time on this one. But guess what – you don’t need anyone’s permission to try something new. If you’re looking for the Magical Gatekeeper to give you the nod to begin, you are wasting your precious time. Magical Gatekeeper is also very busy (she works full-time and is launching a podcast), so forget about her. It’s only natural to want reassurances that it will all work out, but maybe it won’t. Maybe having pursued what you thought would bring you great joy, you decide it’s not for you. I am certain, however, that whatever the outcome, the experience of trying will leave you with far more than you started with.
Seven years ago, Meghan Markle was doing a promotion for a nightclub in Dublin, and look at her now. Is her life better or worse? That is for her to assess. The point is, nothing is set in stone, good or bad. But if you’re still looking for a sign to start hacking through your life list, here it is. I know you can do it. Think long and hard about getting a fringe, though. They’re tricky.
“Writing to-do lists is all well and good, but words are not enough. Change requires action, direction and energy.”