HE HAS LOST OUR LIFE SAVINGS

Two years ago, out of the blue, my husband told me that he had lost a lot of money, and we could no longer afford to keep our children at private schools. Ten years previously, he had invested in a business with two friends. I had concerns but he went ahead with it regardless, reassuring me it would be a success. It wasn’t and, to my horror, I discovered that he had invested all our savings in it. We will never see any return on our investments. We both earn a decent wage, so can still have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, but I simply cannot forgive my husband and it has affected the way I feel about him. He refuses to talk about it with me. I can understand your anger. Your husband should have discussed this with you and it should have been a joint decision. It was wrong of him to go ahead with it on his own. However, perhaps he refuses to talk about it because he knows that he is in the wrong. Maybe he feels guilty and upset that your children had to change schools and is angry with himself – even embarrassed. If the school move has worked out all right and your children are happy and doing well, perhaps then you will feel less angry. Explain to your husband that refusing to discuss it fuels your resentment. He needs to listen to how you feel, express his regrets and show that he understands how much this has affected you and the children. We all make mistakes – some little and some huge – but the marriages that survive and flourish are those in which couples can resolve their differences. Approach him gently – don’t get angry – and acknowledge that it must be difficult for him, too. If he does not listen or you can’t let go of your anger, it could end up destroying your love for him. The children don’t need that. Try reading Why Won’t You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner (Gerald Duckworth & Co, €18).