HE’S ABUSIVE AND CONTROLLING

I have been married since 1994 yet my husband and I could not be further apart. We have two children, the youngest is nine. Some years ago my husband couldn’t always rise to the occasion sexually as he is a type 1 diabetic, but our sex life was still satisfactory. One night, however, he made me have sex even though I said no. I was angry and felt he had raped me, so sex stopped. He turned to porn, which continues to this day and now he doesn’t want sex with me. On a couple of occasions he has tried to date other women. I believe this is down to us both neglecting our relationship but he can be abusive and tries to control me. I love him but I am not sure if I want to leave or stay. Abusive and controlling behaviour is totally unacceptable and eventually destroys relationships, and your husband should never have forced sex on you. It must also be hurtful to feel sexually rejected now in favour of porn. The fact that he shows interest in other women suggests that he is still interested in sex but sadly not with you. I know this is hard, as you say you still love him, but it does not sound as if he is still in love with you. Unless he is prepared to change the way he treats you, you will never be happy married to him. Visit the Cosc website (www.cosc.ie) where you will find details of counsellors and support groups who will help you end the marriage.