My daughter always sides with my father

I am 42 and have been estranged from my entire family for the past three years after falling out with my controlling father. I admit that I was no angel, but I feel that the level of vilification was not appropriate. As a result, I became depressed, had a nervous breakdown and ended up homeless. Fortunately, I have been rehoused. My father is pressuring my 20-year-old daughter to spend Christmas with him again, which she has done since 2014. My issue is not that I am spending Christmas Day on my own, but that I am sick of walking on eggshells around my daughter who hero-worships my father. She can’t talk to me for days whenever she sees her grandparents. I have a bundle of gifts for her, but I don’t particularly want to spend time with her as I am tired of being made to feel like a failure. I know that my relationship with my family will never be repaired, so I am planning to move away. However, I would like to save my precarious relationship with my daughter. Every loving parent wants a good relationship with their children and I am sorry that your father has turned your daughter against you. Perhaps it’s difficult for her to stand up to your father as I imagine that he controls her as well. Suggest to your daughter that she spends Christmas Eve with you, before her grandfather influences her. You can give her the presents, have a nice meal together and even invite some of her friends round. I wouldn’t rush into moving away as you may want to stay near your daughter, even if you don’t get on with the rest of the family. Tell her how much you love her and perhaps ask her if she will come with you to family counselling with Accord (accord.ie) to try to repair your relationship.