Mad about the GIRLS
We know at a very deep level that women are supposed to be beautiful and accessible. But we’re also aware how unfair this measure of our value is. Instead of banding together to reject this, we tend to put ourselves down or judge other women. We tell ourselves that they might be pretty, but they’re empty-headed. They might be sexy, but they’re a slut. We are so used to feeling the gaze that we learn to view each other with men’s eyes.
How powerful would it be if we could look at another woman and say, ‘She’s beautiful and she makes me laugh’ or, ‘She’s really intelligent – I can tell why so many people enjoy her company.’ Or even, ‘She has sex on her own terms and I really admire her confidence.’
We don’t have to like every woman we meet. But we have to stop disliking them because we’re afraid they might be a rival for the male attention we’ve been taught to want, and thinking that bringing them down a peg for being too slutty/ arrogant/bitchy will earn us points.
Discovering the transformative power of female friendships at university has helped me. We’ve grown up together, stayed out late and got drunk together, fought, made up and shared two decades’ worth of emotions. Instead of feeling judged by my girlfriends I now find relief in their company. They make me feel safe and supported because they don’t respond to my shared experiences of being a woman with the suggestion that I might be exaggerating or imagining things. When we are together we have each other’s back against whatever obstacle might be blocking our paths. With the support of my different girl gangs, I feel strong and equipped to live confidently as I choose rather than according to outdated, gendered ideas of womanhood, which reinforce the comfort of men.
If you have a girl gang, you’ll never be alone. The world can be hard and unforgiving for us as women, but with female friends by our side we can build a protective barricade, which our enemies will never be able to tear down, no matter how hard they try. Find your Steel Magnolias, the Thelma to your Louise. Find it and never let it go. ■ This is an edited extract from Fight Like a Girl by Clementine Ford, to be published by Oneworld on 2 August, price €18.20
THE WORLD CAN BE HARD FOR US WOMEN BUT IF YOU HAVE A GIRL GANG YOU’LL NEVER BE ALONE