I’ve had enough of my abusive brother

My brother, who is ten years younger than me, has returned from living abroad to settle his eldest child into university. His marriage broke down due to his excessive drinking. His children seem to hate him. He used to stay with our difficult elder sister who has given thousands of euro to him and his family over the years. But their relationship turned toxic due to his drinking and my sister’s temper. Now he stays with me, but within an hour of arriving last time he was screaming, criticising me and was totally overbearing. He drank throughout the night and when I challenged him he denied everything. My husband and I told him that when he finished his job abroad teaching foreign students he was not to return here. But he says that he is the baby of the family, we owe him support and he wants to come and stay with us again. We are in our 60s and 70s and not prepared to fund him at our age. What should I do? Your younger brother’s behaviour sounds abusive and possibly made worse as it’s fuelled by alcohol. He is trying to take advantage of you and your sister’s kindness by claiming to be the baby of the family and needing support and money. It could even be emotional blackmail. He has to learn to stand on his own feet. If he is going to visit you then he needs to start being more polite and considerate. From everything you said in your long letter, his behaviour is appalling. You need to put you and your husband first. If you both think more visits will be too stressful, you need to say no. You could also suggest to your brother that he needs help; he could contact Alcoholics Anonymous (01 842 0700, alcoholicsanonymous.ie).