His daughters have completely rejected me

For all my married life I have had a difficult relationship with my two adult stepdaughters. They have now decided that they no longer wish to see me, or indeed have any contact with me. My husband and I have accepted this, although I still find it hard. The problem we can’t seem to resolve is how much contact he should have with them. They want him to stay with them for weekends without me, but we feel that this is not right for us or our marriage. I have suggested meeting halfway on neutral ground, perhaps about three times a year, as they live 200km away, but they don’t like this idea. We seem to be at stalemate with no one happy about the situation. I would appreciate your opinion on what you feel is the correct compromise. I’m sorry that your stepdaughters have not accepted you and are now refusing to see you, but it would be incredibly sad if your husband didn’t see his children. Given the situation, I think it would be better if he did go alone to see his daughters for the weekend, perhaps two or three times a year. If you let him go with good grace, hopefully his daughters will, given time, appreciate your generosity and be nicer to you, whereas if you insist on meeting halfway, they will probably blame you for being difficult. I am wondering, however, how things became so bad in the first place and if there has been a falling out. Or it may be that they rejected you from the start, which often happens, especially if their father left their mother for you. Alternatively, an angry ex-wife can turn the children against the new one. Next time your husband goes to stay with them, maybe you can send them a brief friendly note and a little present. Also, he should gently ask them why they don’t like you and explain that it makes him feel uncomfortable. It is important that this is not done in an angry or self-righteous way and that you take any feedback calmly and constructively. Don’t expect immediate results, but if you both continue with a reasonable stance and don’t put obstacles in their way, they may start to see you in a different light. A kind, conciliatory approach always works better than an angry or resentful one. Sadly, children can sometimes simply refuse to accept their father’s new partner, but I hope you can win them round.