After nine years, he still refuses to meet me

I don’t know where I stand with a man I met on the internet nine years ago. He is in his mid-50s, lives in America and is divorced with four grown-up sons. He comes across as a caring, understanding family man with the patience of a saint. I am 48 and a plain woman; I don’t wear make-up and I’m not girly. I have always attracted the wrong sort of man – weird and creepy or wanting a one-night stand, which I don’t do. I love this man to bits and he says he loves me very much. However, I have asked him several times if he would like to meet and he replies with two little words that make my heart sink: ‘one day’. I feel that I might have wasted nine years. My friends say he is stringing me along. Unfortunately, I think you already know that your friends are right. Nine years is a long time not to have met. It may be that, though he is divorced, he has a new regular partner and you are simply a nice distraction on the side. I’m sorry, as I know this will be painful for you to hear after you have invested so much time, but you need to move on. So write to him one last time and tell him that as he doesn’t want to meet, you feel that there is no point in continuing this friendship and how disappointed you are. He may protest (while still being vague) or he may just accept it, but be strong and don’t agree to continue. You don’t want to be in the same position in another nine years, do you? I notice also that you underrate yourself a lot and don’t expect much of men, so I suspect you have pretty low self-esteem. You should try counselling to help you with this and to get over this man, as it will feel like a big loss at first.