Can our marriage survive both our affairs?

My husband has been unfaithful at least twice during our 20-year marriage, though I suspect it could be more than that. He regularly disappears for hours without saying where he is going and I get the feeling that he prefers being out to spending time with me and our children, who are aged 16 and 18. He does, however, provide well for us financially. A while ago, he accused me of having an affair, which at the time was not true, but eventually I did embark on one with a colleague. The sex is out of this world but he is also married, though not very happily. I am now torn in two directions. Should I stay with my husband for the sake of our children or divorce him and bring them up on my own? There is so much missing from our relationship. Can a marriage survive with a complete lack of trust? A good marriage can be rebuilt after a single affair, but multiple affairs are quite different. It sounds as if there may not be enough love left between you both. Yes, it is hard for children when parents divorce, but it can be just as bad for them to be caught between unhappy parents in a loveless marriage. So talk to your husband and have joint counselling to help you decide what you both want to do. My book To Love, Honour & Betray: Why Affairs Happen and How to Survive Them can help you further. You need to end your affair too unless you really think that you have a future together.